Teachers Reveal The Weirdest Things Students Have Done
The job of a teacher is the most underrated thing in the world. No wonder there have been campaigns where teachers protest for being underpaid. From 4 year old to adult college students to all ages of people, a teacher has to deal with a cast diversity of students.
Schools mostly have seen some crazy, weird things happen involving students. Teachers who have witnessed such weird things share some of them on Reddit. Things can get really weird here, have a read.
Don't Tell Dad!
Saw a fourteen-year-old boy stuffing tissue down his shirt to staunch bleeding from several wounds. Took him out in the hall to ask him what was up. Turned out that he had discovered some blasting caps in his dad’s shed. He placed them on an anvil and hit them with a hammer. KABOOM and the shrapnel went into his chest. “Please don’t tell my dad; he’ll kill me!” Took that lad to the hospital.
Disrespect & Biohazard
“Can I go to the bathroom?”
“Sure, go ahead”
(Proceeds to piss in the trashcan in the corner of the room, then returns to his seat).
I knew I was going to write him up, but the question was HOW to write this up. Ended on “Disrespect and creating a biohazard.”
Yellowjackets In The Jacket
My wife’s story: Teaching 4th grade music. From the back of the room:
“Mrs. Jacobs, Jimmy has two bees in his pocket.”
“Is that true, Jimmy?” she asks, unsure of what to expect from his response.
“Yes.” Jimmy had a ziploc lunch bag with two live yellowjackets in it.
Seriously, Jimmy, what on earth were you going to do with those?
Teenagers... We Tell You!
I had a kid gnawing on the corner of his desk for a full 5 minutes. I was at the back of the class helping another student and noticed this behaviour, chalking it up to a misunderstanding, I let it go and went back to helping the student, looked up and he was still at it. Told him to get back to work and he calmly did. Still don’t know what was going through his head. He was 15, he sure as hell wasn’t teething.
Just Ask Next Time
I am a preschool teacher. It was really nice out on a day in early spring so we stayed outside for about 45 minutes. Well when we got inside there was the awful stench. Since I have 15 four year olds all in a room together you basically just assume someone crapped themselves. So I started on my hunt for the poo, asking kids one by one if they pooped or need to use the bathroom. Finally there’s one kid left, I find him sitting in the reading corner and I can tell he’s the culprit… I tell him to stand up and I finally got my first good look.
The kid has not only pooped himself but he has explosive diarrhea. He got embarrassed after he shat so using his hands he has tried to wipe the crap back up his shorts. Then he realizes he now has poop covered hands. What to do? Wipe them on your shirt of course! The result is a child covered neck down in his own poop. I literally have to strip this kid down and wash him in the sink he is so covered in it.
No Big Deal
We have a lot of refugees at my school. I heard this story secondhand from the gym teacher. One of my kids always wore gym shorts. One day during gym they were playing some tag games when he suddenly stops, shakes his leg, and a turd falls out onto the floor. He then proceeds with his tag game while the gym teacher screams THERE’S A TURD ON MY FLOOR!
I worked at a preschool. We had a 4 year old that had what I expect will become a foot fetish. He had some mental issues so he had a one-on-one helper with him and he would have to see her socks first thing when she came everyday. He would try to take off other kids’ shoes to tickle their feet. When we had drawing time, we would tell kids to draw stuff like their family or their house. He would draw shoes and feet of various people he knew.
Imma Imma Imma Worm!
I work at a day camp in the summer. One year, we were playing a game called statues where I give the kids an animal to imitate and then one of their classmates choses who was the best interpretation of the animal. Of course, their classmates are hardly objective and pick their best friends constantly, so, one round, I was the judge. The animal was a tiger. Immediately, many of the kids began a pose with their hands up as claws, snarling, and generally looking fierce…..except Sammy. Sammy was wiggling his arm around in the same way a snake would be while being charmed. His lone index finger was pointed in the air and he was making a fart noise with his tongue between his lips. I asked him, “Sammy, what are you doing?” He responded in his broken, five year old english, “Imma imma Imma wooohm. (worm).” I immediately had to dismiss myself as to not laugh at his sheer creativity. Despite him not being a tiger, however, Sammy won that round.
We Take Our Halloween Seriously
I’m still a highschool student, but I’m a 3rd grade teacher’s aide in the afternoon for an Education and Training class.
Last Friday the teacher was absent. Since I knew the 3rd graders better than the substitute, I took over the class for the afternoon. I look up during reading time and I see two boys in the back pulling jolly ranchers out of their backpacks, licking them, and sticking on the others face.
Their reasoning for doing so was because they were going to be candy monsters for Halloween.
I knew one kid who did many interesting things… -He was caught texting during detention, turned out he was playing with Star Wars action figures. -Locked himself in a display case. When a teacher confronted him, he ran down the hall waving his arms around yelling something similar to “WOOLOOLOOLOOLOOLOOLOO.” He was found and sent to the dean, who he cussed out and received three days out-of-school suspension. -Put a cereal box on his head and ran around the cafeteria yelling “I’m The Pope!” Teachers chased him for awhile and eventually caught him. -Glued a small wooden wolf to the wall during class. -Stole the projector’s remote while the class was watching a movie and messed with the volume, paused and unpaused, etc. -He wore really really short shorts one day. Shorter than is allowed at school. And he’s a guy. -Brought a jar of jam and a baguette to class one day, ate it all in one day slice by slice. -Had an empty box and would peek into it and say “Do you have enough air in there?” Whenever he was near a teacher. -Signed something in blood when the teacher (obviously) jokingly said to sign it in blood. -Died his hair with shirt tie-dye during an end of the year activity. -Made waffles with a waffle iron in the hallway. -Says “Merry Christmas!” To everyone at the end of the day. -Took off his shirt at school on a regular basis. -Wore all his clothe inside out one day. -Wore shoes made out of duct tape, prompting a teacher to ask if he needed help paying for real shoes. (This happened multiple times with various ripped up or strange articles of clothing.) -Painted upside-down crosses on his wrists, ‘666’ on his arms, small pentagrams on the back of his hands and a huge one on his chest, then ripped off his shirt and ran around saying, “I DEMAND A BLOOD SACRIFICE.” -Said “MAX HAS ARRIVED.” Every time he entered a class. -Him and his friend ate an entire chocolate cake with sporks in under five minutes. -Steals two packages of Pop Tarts from the cafeteria every day. -Stole a squeeze bottle of frosting from the foods class and got it all over the hallway. The dean said since it was near the end of the year he wouldn’t get in as much trouble if he gave her a good reason. So, he said “YOLO.” -Produced a five pound bag of grapes out of nowhere and ate them throughout the day (not all of them.) -Sat on a desk and broke it. (He was actually very thin, but it was wobbly and he was shaking back and forth on it.) That’s all I can think of right now. There are many more.
Never Gonna Give You Up
I used to work at a combined school (grades 3-12) for special needs kids. One morning I’m helping out the high school class, and one of the older kids tap me on the shoulder. I turn around and something to the effect of “what can I help you with?” He looked me dead in the eyes, and immediately began to sing “NEVER GONNA GIVE YOU UP! NEVER GONNA LET YOU DOWN!” complete with awkward white boy dance moves.
I have never had to fight the urge to laugh so hard in my life.
Not Enough Money For That Craziness
I didn’t catch these kids but back when I was a teacher, our day to day sub caught three boys with one of those plastic bags you cover microscopes with. He initially just took it away from them.
Somehow it came to light that they had stolen it a few days before and were planning to lure another student into the bathroom and suffocate him with it that day.
Needless to say I am no longer a teacher. They didn’t pay me enough for that craziness.
That's Crime. Period.
My father was, until this year, the principal at a public elementary school. It was title I, meaning low income and low performance students- parents did and said some pretty messed-up stuff. One day, a kindergartner is discovered to be keeping an inhaler. Students so young are not allowed to carry medication, so the teacher sends the student to my father (I don’t think he was in trouble for carrying it, I think the teacher just wanted my dad to talk to him). Dad sends the kid back to the classroom and takes the inhaler to the nurse. When he sets it down in the nurse’s office, the inhaler breaks and white powder spills out, later revealed to be crack cocaine. The kid didn’t even have any idea his inhaler was full of cocaine, he was just being used to smuggle the drug from one parent/guardian to another. This is the weirdest story but dad comes home with all sorts of weird stories like this one (including a lot of kids who don’t have anyone ever come pick them up when school is out).
I'm Kinda Stylist Myself
Not a teacher, but this happened when I was in highschool. I attended a strict private school with a dress code so boy’s sideburns had to be a certain length. One day, this kid in my class gets called out for having his sideburns too long, so she sends him to the dean. The dean hands the kid one of those crappy one blade BIC razors and sends him to the bathroom to shave them off. Kid comes back to class with his head shaved (like completely bald) leaving his sideburns fully intact.
I work in Special Education… I had a boy (young man) who was 6′ 5″ I was walking him to the classroom one day, and in the middle of the hallway, dropped his pants and peed in the drinking fountain. He continued to do this for weeks. So kind of the school to put urinals in the hallways for him. I had another small boy (~8) who would not stop mumbling to himself. When I finally got close enough to actually listen to what he was saying it was, “Don’t push Grandma down the stairs bahahaha….”
Picking Nose For Fun
My dad is a 5th grade teacher and I received all my volunteer hours from his class. January 2010, my dad leaves to make photocopies and all the kids start giggling. I try to find the source of their entertainment and then I see it… One of the kids with an abnormally large thumb is trying to pick the noses of the kids all around his table. One of the boys actually voluntarily allowed him to do so. Then large thumb boy licks his thumb. Joyus.
Earwax Can't Be Tasty
One kid with the daily routine of throwing money down the stairway for his classmates to collect.
One kid putting his finger into his ear, pulling it out, putting some sugar on the collected earwax and eating it.
One kid breaking one of his fingers then cracking it back because it was “in an unnatural position”. Tearless warrior! Had to go to the hospital, though.
Two kids standing up vomiting clear odorless liquid because they didn’t have breakfast. Quote: “I never eat before I go to school”
One guy climbing a wall with one arm in a plaster cast, reaching the top.
One girl trying to get (way too much) sunscreen onto her face, forgetting about the glasses. Best surprised look ever!
….I could go on and can’t decide which one was the weirdest one.
When I worked at a children’s camp for kids with autism there was this one camper named Jay. Jay was non-verbal besides a few unintelligible sounds he would make when he was excited or upset. Jay was awesome, but he had a very weird “talent.” One day we were taking a nature walk and I saw him standing by a flower bush swarming with bees. Afraid for his safety, we tried to get him to walk away from the bush. All of a sudden his hands dart towards the bush and we realized he caught a bee in his bare hands. All of the counselors freak out and rush over to make sure he’s okay, but he’s just standing there with the bee in his hands, making whispering noises.
He did this regularly. Bees, wasps, houseflies, etc. He would catch them in his hands and sort of “collect” them in areas. They never stung him and would often times stay exactly where he left them while he went and caught more. He was like the freakin’ bee-whisperer. Strangest talent I’ve ever seen.
Let's Not Put A Smile To That Face
It’s Halloween so obviously a lot of the students were dressed up. One of the particularly odd students came in fully dressed as the joker. This student didn’t really have any friends in the class. He was known for sleeping during almost every class and asking weird questions. Just before class began, he grabbed another student (who was much bigger than him) and pushed him against the wall with a lot of force. He then pulled out what appeared to be a switchblade, pushed the button to reveal that it was actually a switch comb and pushed it against his neck saying, “Let’s put a smile on that face!”
School Or Asylum
Elementary Student in my class: “Mrs. Art, this is my daughter!” points to drawing “Don’t you mean sister?” “No, my daughter!”
Yes, I frequently got called Mrs. Art which was nowhere near what my name is.
This was also the school where kids went to time out for doing things like throwing scissors and would come back 20 minutes later only to do it again. Many a time I had to call our in-school-suspension person to physically remove a child. One time the Resource Officer (employed by the police not the district) had to handcuff a 2nd grader because her and our emergency team couldn’t handle the kid. I had a panic button on my phone.
I’m glad I teach at a sane school now with high schoolers.
Smart Little Kid
Had a kid come up to me and say, “Must have been out late last night.”
I was kind of stunned, but didn’t want to lie, so I said “Kind of was. Why do you say that.”
“Whenever you’re hungover, you have coffee AND Gatorade.
Smart little kid.
Logic Of Little Ones
I once had a second grader stick his hand down his throat to make himself throw up in the middle of a science lesson because he thought it would let him go to recess sooner ( I know… logic of a seven year old). This same kid ripped his shirt in half because he wanted to “show his muscles off to the ladies”
Teaching is fun. 🙂
I'm Sneaky & I Know It
My high school had a drop ceiling, with enough space above the ceiling tiles to actually stand up. My senior year, I figured out that you could actually navigate between classes through the ceiling. You can probably imagine where this led to.
I would sneak between classes, lift up the ceiling tile, quickly throw something at a student, and then immediately replace the tile. The object being thrown provided enough of a diversion that no one had time to see where it came from. I finally got caught after I hit a kid in the eye with a marker, but I didn’t get in trouble because the teachers even though it was so funny.
Never Challenge The Boss
I was a camp counselor, but close enough. Kids are always funny whether they’re in school or not.
We called this kid Hodjo, and he was a really funny 12 year old chubby blonde kid. One day I notice him eating his cereal with a fork:
Me: Hey Hojo, why are you eating your cereal with a fork?
Hojo: I’m challenging myself!
Me: You know what would be a real challenge? If you ate it with a knife.
And he did. The entire bowl.
I had about 150 students in a multi-purpose room. A small group of girls kept whispering. I told them to stop, and one of them said, “But Miss Smith, that kid is throwing poop at us!” I look over at what they’re talking about. Some 3rd grader had purposely taken a crap in his pants, pulled it out, made little balls out of it, then threw it at kids so it clung to their clothes. Then he took what was left over and was smearing it around on the ground.
He was promptly taken out for psychological testing.
I’m definitely not paid well enough to put up with that shiz.
The Real Stunt Boy
High School Principal here.
In 2003 or whatever – the fall – we had one kid literally drive his mini-cooper to class. I’m pretty sure it had something to do with “The Italian Job.”
It’s brilliantly easy to do, and I’m surprised it’s not done more – I also don’t know how he made it halfway through the 1st period before anyone called the office.
The doors by the Gym are wide, and double doors. They also are the only doors that don’t have a bar between them. Simple for a mini to fit through.
The kid’s a good kid, just does stupid stuff. I gave him 3 nights of after school detention and brought in the Chief of Police to talk to him about how stupid he is (small town, easy task). For the typical kid that pulls this shiz I’d have called their parents. This kid I knew learned from the mess, so for all I know, his parents know nothing.
Sweet Little Psycho
My colleague and I work for a natural history museum, traveling around the state sharing specimens, and we post all the ridiculous and mostly morbid things we hear from the 4th graders. One of my favorites:
Girl: I love mice! I have some at home Me: Like as pets? Girl: Yeah, I find dead ones in my garage then I carry them around and pet them- they are so soft and cute! Then I put them in a lunch bag I keep in the garage until they turn to bones.
Your Highness It's A Disaster
I’m not a teacher but this happened when I was in high school.
The teacher was out of the room, so these 5 “stoner” (as in the kind that do nothing but talk about getting high, not the jolly good time high kids) gather around one desk with a bottle of hand sanitizer.
One of them puts some on his arm and another lights it on fire. His arm catches fire for about 5 seconds and they put it out and laugh.
Next they up the ante. They cover an entire desk in the stuff, one takes out the lighter, and the top of the desk was bathed in a small blue flame for about 10 seconds. Suddenly there’s a giant fire ball around them and now the entire freaking desk is actually on fire. They start freaking out shouting OH SHIZ OH SHIZ. I take my jacket and run over there and manage to put the thing out. Teacher walks back in a few seconds later none the wiser.
This was the 11th grade math class for me
That's Not How It's Done Granny
I used to do demonstration classes for prospective parents looking to join our English school in China. Each week I’d get a grab bag of students ranging in ability and background. One fine evening there was a boy (7) in a group of 10. He was clearly raised entirely by his grandparents and wasn’t socialized very well. In the middle of the lesson he stands up and pulls his pants+undies off announcing he needs to pee. We’re in a glass walled classroom in front of the busy front desk, bathroom is just one floor up. Grandma’s got this covered! She whips out an empty bottle and holds the kids thing into it while he just stands legs akimbo with a look like “what, you guys don’t do this too?”
Seriously, How You Doin?
I taught at third grade last semester. A little girl on her first day sent a note to a boy in the class across from mine asking him if he was a virgin. She also asked if he wanted to have sex with her. She was very provocative for an 8 year old. She also flirted with the boys in the class, who always thought she just wanted a pencil.
Day Of The Dead
5th grade. The spanish teacher would come to my class to teach my students spanish twice each week.
One day she is teaching about the “Day of the Dead” holidays in Mexico. As soon as she mentions the topic, one girl places her head low on her desk and puts the meanest scowl on her face. She spent the entire class making eye contact with each of the other students and then growling in the lowest, grumbiest, growl that a fifth grade girl could manage, the words, “day of the Dead,” over and over again. Menacing, creepy, hilarious. This lasted for half an hour. The Spanish teacher never caught on and I didn’t have the heart to say anything.
Candy Man Is Here
I was an English teacher in Japan and I’ve seen some shiz. But a co-worker who happened to be black has been through WAY more. At his school, the kids began postulating that their favorite dark-skinned foreigner could be made of chocolate. Now, Japanese kids LOVE the word ‘gorilla’ for reasons I still do not fully understand. They crack up at the mention of it. I’m sure you can see where this is going. Some students began to suggest that he looked like the most hilarious animal in existence, that’s right- a gorilla. Eventually, they started calling him ‘Chocolate Gorilla’. Now rumors started spreading that he was, in fact, made of chocolate and therefore tasted like it. Kids being the devious little balls of curiosity that they are decided that they needed to know once and for all. So one day, a kid pretends like he doesn’t understand something in class (which is by no means a stretch of the imagination; Japanese kids are BAD at English) and calls Chocolate Gorilla over to explain it. The kid grabs his arm and licks it. He proceeds to yell out, in the middle of class mind you, “Oh my God (in English with a Japanese accent), he does taste like chocolate!” After this incident, several students took it upon themselves make sure, ya know, for science. The consensus was that he did, in fact, taste like chocolate. The other teachers paid no mind to students licking another teacher for their amusement.
Octopus. Stupid. Octopus.
Haha, I have a kind of cute story from my class of special-ed first-graders. I had a very energetic ADHD boy named John who was good friends with a fellow student named Haley. I don’t know where he got it, but one day he was working on a puzzle and Haley wanted to help, and John kept covering the puzzle with his body and shouting – I kid you not – “You mustn’t play with me, Haley! You mustn’t, you simply mustn’t!” Made my day.
I also had a very adorable high-spectrum autistic boy named Vincent who become obsessed with a stuffed octopus. He then began to identify as an octopus. When asked to draw pictures of himself, he’d draw an octopus, and for pictures of his family, he drew more octopi. The only words he would say were “octopus” and “stupid.” One day, one of our highest-functioning kids, Owen, shouted at him from across the room, “Hey Vincent… octopus.” Predictably, Vincent said, “Octopus.” They then began to just repeat the word back and forth memetically for a good minute or two, and then they suddenly fell silent, spread their arms to the side, and commenced to do a bizarre, spontaneous octopus dance. They basically had a whole little octopus seizure, and then went about their business and never spoke of it again.