Police Officers Share Stories Of When They Were Impressed By a Criminal

By Kanupriya - December 24, 2019

We do not encourage crime or violence and condemn people to not do it either. But, we have to admit that there is something about thugs that we like to know more about them. We are not talking about the vile ones, the one that deserve hell under every circumstances, we are talking about the less harmful ones. The ones on which movies like Ocean’s 11 are made, we are talking about those kind of cons. 

The thing about these cons is that no matter how hard you try, you really cannot hate them. They do not cause direct harm to anyone but still are considered an outlaw. They have a different style of committing the fraud and believe it or not, sometimes they even end up impressing the cops and attorneys. 

Here are some stories of such criminals, who over the period of time have committed brilliant acts of thugs and fraud (without physically harming anyone), and have ended up impressing even the the cops. Go on, read ahead and get impressed yourself.


Don't Hang Up

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We get a call reporting that the phone system of a major UK bank has been hacked and that the caller has had several thousand pounds stolen from their account as a result. Seems unlikely, but officers went round to see what had happened. Obviously the bank’s system was fine, but scammers had done something fairly clever.


Turns out that there is a way in the UK of keeping a phone line open when only the recipient hangs up. The scammers called the victim and pretended to be from the bank, before asking for account details. Victim was suspicious so hung up and called the bank back at their real telephone number. However, the scammers held the line open and played a dial tone down the line so the victim thought that she was making a new call, then they played a “ring ring” sample before a new scammer answered the call and took the details pretending to be the bank.


I’ve heard of it a few times since in the press, but the first time I came across it was on duty and no one had any idea what was going on.


Got Too Excited

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Not a police officer- attorney but this one is pretty good

We had a guy who ran one of those “we buy your gold” places. Typically he did a moderate business but it just wasn’t enough for the lifestyle he wanted. So he decided to rob a better jewelry store. He found one that sold only very high quality jewelry and was about 300 miles away from his house. He visited them one day and got the name of the safe they used, noted the type of alarm, cameras, etc then went home and bought the exact same safe. He spent months planning how to break into the safe without possibly tripping the alarm, but he wasn’t having and luck. He was dedicated, kept working on it and finally came up with a plan. He got his brother and another person (I can’t remember relation) and they turned off their cell phones at home, then drove to the store, got there in the middle of the night. They climbed onto the roof, cut a hole in the ceiling and purposefully tripped the alarm. They put the ceiling tiles back and laid down on the roof.

The owner came and the police came, the owner checks out the store, nothing looks wrong, police haven’t seen anyone so the owner decided his alarm must have malfunctioned. He turns off the alarm, because hey he’ll be back here in a couple hours to open, sends the officer away and he goes home.

The thief, able to hear the system is disabled from his hiding spot then opens hole in the ceiling again, they casual-cat drop into the business, and basically wipe the place out. Estimates ran around 4-6 million in gold.

They take all the gold home where he starts to slowly mix it in with his regular business. He melts all the gold down to sell, so it’s not like the pieces can be identified. They generate some fake business receipts, but lots of his transactions are cash based and a small business keeping sloppy records is nothing new.

Meanwhile, the jewelry store owner feels like a complete idiot, and the cops only find one lone cigarette butt inside, no prints, they must have worn gloves. This police also get a security image from a business outside of a black truck coming and going at the right time, but the license plate is obscured and the thieves are covered up enough the poor quality camera can’t catch much that’s helpful.

I believe the cigarette came back with a partial match to one of the sidekicks. Now mind you, a partial DNA match is pretty mediocre evidence at best (even though juries love love love even partial DNA) That gets the police looking in the right direction.

The IRS has noticed our thief doubled his income that year, and then the next year had a slump but somehow managed to buy a whole heaping lot of stuff….with cash that had to be unreported. He bought: a Land Rover, some sports car (can’t remember type) a 400k house, a 30k pool – all with cash that was unaccounted for.

A check of cell phone records had one of the cell phones pinging about an hour away from the crime scene in the middle of the night. And the truck he had was the same type of truck that showed up at the scene. (Because one of them turned his phone and called his wife to tell her he was out with said guys, but at a bar)

It was a lot of little things, but it was enough all together to make a pretty decent case and a jury convicted him at trial.


Movie Like Con

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Once had a guy who shoplifted on an industrial scale. He stole hundreds and sometimes thousands of pounds-worth of merchandise from a particular well-known high-street clothing store. Every day.

He’d go to different branches all over the country (UK obviously) – he spoke nicely and was smartly dressed. He just used to fill up bags with high value products and walk out.

He had a warehouse-type unit somewhere (police never found it) with his own till – because he would generate till receipts for these items and go back to return them (at a different branch) and get cash refunds.

He was at it for years – made enough to put his kids through private school. When he got caught he was jailed for about a year (our shoplifting sentencing guidelines are absurdly low).

When he came out he got back on it. Police still couldn’t find his base. He was being investigated and was on bail. One occasion when he answered his bail at the police station, the police had a 6-man surveillance team ready to tail him and track down the warehouse he was using. He lost them within 2 minutes of leaving the station.

When he came for trial based on the CCTV evidence we had from the various shops the case got thrown out. (The footage wasn’t good enough to make out his features exactly and the officer who purported to identify him hadn’t followed procedures.) After he was thus acquitted he was due to be investigated for some other matters – but he gave the police and security the slip from the Court before he could be arrested.

Even I was impressed – and I was prosecuting him!


Way Too Advanced

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I am a police officer, but the story is actually from my dad who was a lawyer.

He had a couple of guys who had scratch built an ATM. This would have been back in the 80’s before the days of skimmers and cameras to clone cards, so they built their own ATM and installed it in a wall on a public street in order to collect card details to use later on. I don’t know if it actually dispensed money – I’m guessing it just showed an error message.

He told me that very occasionally he had come across criminals who had worked so hard for their spoils that he felt they had earned them. These guys were his example. He was also confused that two people smart enough to do this chose not to make an honest living.


The Smart Con

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I’m not a police officer… But know some guys who are. Best one I heard was a guy who would drill a tiny hole beside a window to open the latch. He would then enter at night, and go straight to the front door and open it, so he could make a quick exit if needed. If he couldn’t open a door, he would leave again immediately. He stole stuff, then closed the window and locked the door behind him. Most people had no idea they had been robbed. He took wallets off bedside desks while people slept beside them. Or sometimes just took some cash and cards but left the wallet. When he got caught, he was making a plea deal, so it was in his interest to admit all crimes so he couldn’t later be prosecuted again for them. He took police round dozens of houses, and each had a tiny drill hole… And every house owner thought they had lost wallets and credit cards never knowing they had been burgled.

Stupidest one… A kid broke into his school at night and stole 10 laptops. It was snowing that night… Police came when the alarm went off, and there was one set of footprints in the snow that led them from the school, the whole way to the kid’s front door.


Catch Me If You Can

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When I was a rookie I got a call at 3:00 AM one night about a hold up alarm going off at an ATM. I respond and don’t really take the call that seriously at first because I’m thinking, “No way a hold up alarm is being triggered at 3 in the morning”.

I get there and start checking the bank when I see a guy walking through the drive through. Stupid me strolls over and calmly says, “Hey man, come over here and talk to me for a minute.” He bolts and I take off after him only to realize I left my handheld in my car. I run back and call it in and my partner shows up shorty after. Well we can’t find the guy and start looking around. The guy spray painted the ATM camera and he drive thru camera, which set off the alarm.

About an hour later I see a vehicle with out of state tags driving slowly through the drive thru and after running the plate, he has fictitious tags. We search the vehicle and can find absolutely nothing but a very long tree branch in the back of the SUV. We write him for fictitious tags and send him on his way per my Sgt.

The next day my investigator gets a call from the FBI because they had this guy’s name flagged and saw where we ran him. He had been hittin ATMs in Texas, Louisiana, Arkansas and Tennessee. We were the first department that actually came in contact with him. He would spray paint the cameras or use the tree branch to turn high cameras away, after the alarms go off, he would wait nearby for police to leave. He would then come back and saw the hinges off the ATMs and take the money. He stole approximately $150,000 over a six month period. He was caught a few weeks later by a guy I went to the academy with.


The Twin Con

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Not a cop, but a cop told me about this. Evidently there were these two twin brothers, big, tall, muscular fellows. Their scam was ingenious. Both brothers would go into Home Depot separately and each begin shopping, filling up his cart with high-value stuff, each filling up his cart with identical items.

The first brother would go to the cashier and legally pay for his purchases. He’d show his receipt at the door and take his purchases out of the store.

The second brother would hang around the entrance, far enough from the exit not to arouse suspicion. The first brother would take his car to the entrance and give the receipt to the second brother. First dude then takes his purchases to load up in their vehicle.

Second brother then takes the cart full of items, plus receipt, back to the returns counter and says he changed his mind and wants his money back. Home Depot would refund the “purchases”. Dude basically just sold Home Depot their own items.

Evidently they pulled this trick off and on for years before someone caught on. Cop said they probably would have kept on getting away with it for years if they hadn’t hit the same store so often.


The Official Con

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I was an MP at Fort Carson. The young man was in the service for two years before a dishonorable discharge sending him back home to Pennsylvania. When he got home he used his uniform to get discounts and praise. One day he decided to hop on a plane to Colorado. He arrives in full uniform but with Lt. rank on. Gets off the plane and uses the government transportation to get on base. He doesn’t have an ID but shiz he is an officer so they let him on. Then he stayed at the inprocessing barracks without paperwork because hell, he is an officer. Stays there for weeks. He goes walking to the PX and comes across a woman with a flat tire. He helps her change it out and she invites him over for dinner. There he meets her husband and their kids then convinces them that he is waiting for housing and they let him live with them for a month. He cleans the house and babysits the kids. One time he went to this guy’s unit and chewed a supply sergeant out to help the guy he was living with. The only reason this came to light is because of one phone call he made to his mother from the inprocessing barracks. She became worried about him and called them. His mother let the people know he was not in the military. After that the search began. I was in MPI and got to pick him up. He gave me a straightforward statement and was genuinely nice. I just remember sitting on the office couch with him watching TV waiting for him to get transferred from my custody. I told him that I was genuinely impressed and that after whatever happens to him, happens, that he could get it together and do well. He wasn’t the brightest kid but damn he had guts. I guess that is what it really takes.



The Never Caught Con

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This guy in high school, we’ll call him Luis, was a known drug dealer. He didn’t make it a secret. Everyone bought weed and harder stuff off of him. The cops constantly pulled him over to search him, and whenever a drug related thing happened at school he was often the first kid they pulled into the principal’s office.

But they would never catch him with any drugs.

The principal used to turn all of his possessions inside out on a weekly basis. Apparently schools can do that, but cops can’t. They regularly cut locks off his gym locker and his regular locker in hopes of finding his stash, but they never found it.

One time there was a rumor going around that his stash was stored in a locker not assigned to anyone, which prompted the administration to search every single locker in the school. I remember we had to stand in the hallway and unlock it so the principal could have a look inside. They definitely caught people with drugs but not the Luis. Turns out he started that rumor.

Drug dogs were a regular occurrence. Once a month they brought them into the school, and they were present at every sports game.

Luis was one of the only, if not the sole supplier for the whole school. The administration had no idea what to do. They would catch kids with weed and the kids would flat out say “I bought this from Luis” Luis would encourage them to say it. They would then flip Luis’ shiz inside out, cops would search his car, and he consented to all of it, and laughed when they found nothing.

This was probably close to 15 years ago now. The Vice Principal loves to tell a story about how they eventually “caught” him. VP’s younger son asked for these shoes for Christmas that had a secret compartment in them. Light bulbs go off in his head. The first day back after the holiday break, he calls the school’s DARE officer and pulls Luis out of class. They bring him into office and flip all of his shiz out on the table. Then the VP tells him to take his shoes off. Turns out his hunch was right. He had hidden compartments in his shoes.

But there were no drugs there. I guess Luis is laughing his ass off at this point. This was pre-everyone owned a cell phone era. Luis has the audacity to explain that he hasn’t seen any of his classmates for 3 weeks, he had not taken any orders yet. Had the VP waited a day, he would have caught him.


The Twisted Con

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Had a guy when I first started would twist locks. The art of twisting a lock works mainly in businesses that secure their double front doors using a deadbolt style lock. He would use a tool to twist this lock and in turn, open the doors. Guy probably got away with 25 businesses before he was finally busted. He later said his style of breaking and entering worked so well because the alarm systems have a set delay when opening a business. Say 30seconds. Given the glass wasn’t broke or large movements were observed by the system, it would act as if the store we’re opening and give the employee time to reset the alarm. Those 30s were plenty for him to get in, get to the register, and leave.


The Fiery Con

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A Fire Marshal once told me about his nemesis, a fire bug naturally. Apparently the arsonist had a thing for burning old barns. Never a building that was in use, always an old abandoned one.

Anyway, his modus operandi was to take a balloon filled with accelerant like gasoline or kerosene and suspend it by a string it 20ft+ off the ground. Under the balloon he’d light a candle and start the balloon swinging on a long arc. He’d have a good 20+ minutes before the arc of the swing slowed enough that the candle would ignite the balloon. The balloon ignites, the accelerant is spread evenly across all surfaces and the balloon, string and candle disappear in the fire. It was like the entire interior of the structure caught fire at the same time, with no trace as to how.

He said it was damn near the perfect crime, until some cop happens to notice a car parked in a field a mile away and thinks to jot down the license plate number.


The Smart & Dumb Con

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Smartest criminal: Suspect would go door to door saying he was with Publishers Clearing House. He would tell people they were one of several finalist. He then explained he would need their name, date of birth, and social security number to verify who they were. After that, he would ask what hours they weren’t home so they could ensure if the victim won the prize, they would be home. Naturally, he would break into their homes when they weren’t home and steal all their valuables. To top it off, he would steal their identity and open a bunch of credit card / payday loans in their names afterwards. After over 50 cases, I finally caught the guy. Made off with over a half million dollars in 3 months before he was caught.

Dumbest criminal: Suspect was robbing a gas station late at night. Suspect pointed a gun at the cashier demanding money. The cashier was surrounded by plexiglass all around. Cashier refused to give suspect the money and hit the panic alarm, which locked the door. Suspect was angry and fired a shot at the cashier. The bullet ricocheted off the plexiglass and struck him in the forehead. The bullet knocked him unconscious but didn’t penetrate the skull. As I arrived, the bullet was still protruding from his forehead and he was knocked out. He got 99 years for his stupidity. The best part was the cash register only had $60 in it.


The Soap Con

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Is it an Australian thing to have a paradoxically smart and stupid uncle?

In the eighties or nineties the laws around using guns/weapons in armed robberies were altered to make the sentencing harsher, so my uncle decided using a gun wasn’t worth it, but didn’t want to have to mug people without a weapon. So my uncle gets creative and does what he is good at doing – making DIY weapons, a skill he used to his advantage in jail, many, many times.

He goes down to the grocery store and buys bars of soap, shoe polish and paint sealer. Spends the next few weeks using his bong lighter (an altered blowtorch) to melt the soap into mounds and molds them into shape, and uses a mix of paint, shoe polish and paint sealer to make the look like hand guns.

Apparently he isn’t the best at hand crafting, but he only mugged people at night anyway, so it worked for a few months. The cops searched his house in bullet-proof vests to find the “gun” half-melted in the kitchen.

Apparently the judge laughed at him and mentioned he had never encountered an individual who managed to terrorize a community with a bar of soap. He went to jail, but not for long, so win-win?


The Casual Con

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Although no skill was really involved, I arrested a kid for stealing a car. He confessed and told me that he’d be straight up with me. He was walking through a parking lot and saw a lady drop her car keys and keep walking. He said that’s her fault for not paying attention, grabbed the keys, and took off in her car. He lamented that he knew he’d get stopped eventually, but didn’t think we’d stop him so quickly. When I asked if he had a driver’s license he smiled and said he was planning to take the car he stole to the DMV so he could take his driving test.

We both had a good laugh at that. He said I ruined his plans.


The Unnoticed Con

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Not a cop or a criminal, heard this one from a guy who was trying to turn his life around at college after a drug addiction and being in and out of prison.

Him and a friend of his would go into supermarkets or electronics stores and one of them would pocket something small then walk out the door to set the alarm off and get security to search him as he kicks up a huge fuss about it. Whilst the alarm is going off and 1st guy is being searched and causing a scene 2nd guy would walk straight out with a trolley loaded with expensive stuff and nobody would bat an eyelid.


The Daylight Con

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(Not a police officer, but I think this counts).

Had a call to the IT helpdesk, from a department of the company I was working at. Asking ‘when are the new computers going to arrive?’.

This caused some consternation, as we didn’t know what they were talking about. But it wasn’t an order that had ‘gone missing’ as much as the entire department’s computers.

Someone had – in broad daylight – rocked up in a transit van, done a masterful piece of blagging and convinced everyone (security included) that this was part of IT’s rolling hardware update program. So they loaded their “old” computers in the van, and he said he’d be back ‘soon’ with the new ones.


The Betting Con

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Was not involved in this case, but was something we learned about.

2 employees of a soccer betting company colluded to rig odds and make big money.

One would be in the office rigging the odds of the purchased ticket and the other would be in person purchasing the ticket at the moment the odds were tweaked.

They would always buy both sides to pay out 3:1, so that whatever the result, they would win an estimated 1 portion which is in excess. This was possible because of an option to allow no-draws with the effect that the better will get back his capital. Therefore, if a draw arose, it would simply result in them getting their money back.

To avoid detection, they made sure that their potential winning was always below the statutory minimum which required winners’ identification to be recorded. They also made sure to go to different outlets when making the purchases.

However, their grand scheme was eventually foiled not by their own mistake, but by a busybody before them in the queue. The said customer had some issues with buying his ticket and eventually wrote in to make a complaint. Upon investigating the tapes from the outlet where the complaint came from, the company realised that their employee was making a purchase in their own outlets, which was clearly prohibited. This then led the company on a chain of inquiry which eventually led to a hefty jail term and fine for both of the criminals involved.


The Drunk Con

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Saw this one on one of those police chase shows. Police dash cam showed the car in front of him was swerving all over the road in the middle of the night. He followed him for a while, then flipped on the lights to pull him over. Guy pulls over, and before the cop can do anything, he turns off the car, gets out, throws his keys into the woods, cracks open a brand new 5th of vodka, and chugs the whole thing down. Cut to the interview of the actual criminal with his voice and face obscured. He said he had already had multiple DUIs and had become something of an expert on drunk driving laws. He took advantage of a loophole wherein the cop didn’t have time to see if he was actually drunk behind the wheel of the car. Chugging the vodka right there would immediately have an effect on any sobriety testing. He hadn’t opened the vodka in the car, so no open container infraction. And he made sure his keys were most definitely out of reach, so there was now way that he could be “operating a vehicle under the influence.” Didn’t know wether or not to be impressed or disgusted with his drunken ingenuity.


The Remote Con

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Arno Funke,

he tried to blackmail multiple department stores in germany in the early 90s. He typically caused an explosion during the night in a store chain shop and threatened to detonate another bomb, if he didn’t get money from them.

He often used technical decides to fool the police. e. g. :

he wanted the money to be deployed in a package that was attached to a train. The police found a time control mechanism that would detach the package from the train at a specific time . They found out when and where it would detach and positioned themselves at the expected location.

However Funke used a radio control to detach the package manually from the train, much earlier than anticipated.


He gave the order to deploy the money inside a stray sandbox. The police expected him to pick up the money from there and again positioned themselves around the box.


Funke spent numerous days in before concealed as a construction worker to prepare the site . He placed the stray sandbox on top of a sewer opening and layed a thin layer of concrete around (and under the stray sandbox). He then waited in the sewer under the sandbox for the police to deposit the money.

A few minutes later he broke through the thin layer of concrete, took the package and escaped unnoticed.



The Ocean's 11 Con

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This happened a few years before I worked there but the Home Depot in my town was full on Ocean’s 11ed. It was an inside job but no one was charged since they couldn’t figure out who did it.

They hide in the store until after close. Then they started grabbing everything worth its weight. They used a lift truck to pry open the receiving doors and parked a private semi in the bay and loaded it up. They knew where the safe was, next to the receiving area. But it was locked down well and they knew that so they took the lift truck and crashed it through the wall that separated it from receiving and stole the safe. They drove off with at least half a million in loot.

Home Depot is filled with silent alarms and the like, not a single one went off. Put themselves in minimal sight of the security cameras. They knew the store really well. Management opened the next morning in disbelief.


The Ikea Con

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Our local Ikea was broken into some years back. In broad daylight while the store was open. A works vehicle pulled up next to the external wall of the safe room. Two guys in hard hats and hi vis jackets then proceeded to knock a hole in the wall. There weren’t any external cameras or sensors.

One guy reaches in and turns the security camera away from the hole. The safe had a pipe feeding into it from the top as all the cash was carried there by a vacuum tube system. They cut a section of pipe away to leave a hole in the top of the safe and then used a grabbing tool to get as many of the pods as he could.

Approx £160,000 was taken and they’ve never been caught. Now the safe has a thick metal collar around it. A camera opposite and sensors in the walls. Ikea made sure everyone knew the changes had been made to put off anyone trying again.



The Mercedes Con

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Friend’s dad was a cop.

3-4 Years ago my friend’s dad had the duty of patrolling the streets to make sure there was no criminal activity. After a long day he was called by a distressed man who had left his car keys inside his new Mercedes Benz and after trying for 2hours-ish they both realized there was no way but to call the company to get it out which would result in a 200 dollar bill.

Luckily for the owner of the car, a suspicious looking man walking down the street told him he would do it for him for $20, my friend’s dad and the owner seemed skeptical, but honestly couldn’t give a shiz so they let him after being tired of their attempts.

The guy in less than 2 minutes, went to the top of the car, punched the roof extremely hard then bumped the driver seat door, and voila, it opened. The owner gave the guy his 20 bucks and off he went.

2 weeks later the cop arrested the guy for stealing a car.

If I remember what my friend told me correctly, the guy told the police officers of how he did it and he detailed something about how the Mercedes model had a specific switch under the roof. I think it was the Rollover Sensor used to detect if the car has rolled over or not to open the doors. The guy just knew his Mercedez i guess.



The Nicest Con Ever

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So in 8th grade my football coach robbed a bank in a small town in Washington State. He had a great elaborate plan. He posted an ad on Craigslist for job offerings telling people they had to wear very specific clothes, at a specific location at the exact same time an armored vehicle was supposed to arrive at a bank. So when the armored vehicle arrived he was dressed in the same clothes as everyone else, he robbed the armored car then proceeded to run down to a nearby river, and he got in a tiny inflatable raft and floated down the river.

The day after he robbed the bank he threw a fat pizza party for our football team and then he went to Vegas. He was honestly one of the nicest coaches I ever had, everyone loved him.

He was caught by a homeless man who recognized the car that he drove up to the bank. He was just recently released from jail I think. I’m pretty sure he made a huge turn around with his life and was writing children’s books in jail and now travels the country as a public speaker. Honestly he is kind of an amazing human, even though he has a troubled past.


The Registered Con

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A friend of mine owned a bar in a very large city and they had a very busy thursday night mostly due to 3 young bartenders who brought in a raucous crowd. Somehow though the end of the night till never added up to how busy the bar was which they knew due to head count and inventory. It got so bad they even hired a private investigator to watch them and find the skim. When the PI gave his report he said he could not find anything wrong with what they were doing in terms of buybacks or stealing from the registers…. he did mention they seemed to hit the middle register more often then the two registers on the outside. That was the ah ha moment for my buddy as the bar only had two registers. It turns out they were bringing their own register in a hockey bag and walking out with it at the end of the night. Instead of turning them into the police, because they were so young and we all did knuckleheaded things at that age plus they really crushed it on thurs, they confronted them about it and let them work it off. My buddy eventually opened another bar partnering with two of them and it was very successful.


The Lying Con

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My partner and I responded to a burglary call at a house late one night. When we got there we heard the back fence rattle and knew someone jumped the fence to flee. We set up a perimeter and ended up catching the burglar with the stolen goods. As I put him in the backseat of the squad car he began throwing up. He drank a bottle of whiskey while stealing the things from the house and after running from us the liquor didn’t sit well. I rolled the window down so he could puke on the outside of the car instead of the inside. We drove back to the house to complete the report and he told me there was another person with him inside the house and he knew where the suspect was. He motioned to a house two blocks away that had a garage door partially opened. He said his friend went inside and was hiding in there. I told my rookie partner to stay by the squad car while me and a few others checked the house. I made it to the garage and realized nobody was in there and immediately heard tires squealing and a car speeding off. I ran back to the house knowing what happened before I got there. The burglar in my backseat was now the car thief in the front seat driving my squad car away from the scene. Naturally everyone there jumped in their squad cars and the search was on for the stolen squad car. We found the squad car about 20 minutes later abandoned behind a house where a civilian was reporting their car stolen. The civilian left their car running to warm up and the suspect stole that car to get away. About an hour later the suspect was seen joyriding around where the burglary happened and the chase was on! There were approximately 20 different units chasing this suspect throughout the city until the suspect finally crashed and was taken into custody. He is now serving 19 years in federal prison due to the fact he was a convicted felon and when he stole the squad car he also removed several guns I had inside the car and was charged with being a felon in possession of a firearm. I was mad and embarrassed at the time but I have to have it to him for outwitting us. He later told us he was double jointed and knew he could slip the handcuffs off and get them around to the front of his body. He said he made the story up of the second suspect in order to get us away from the car so he could use it to get away.


The Coder Con

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Not properly illegal law-wise, but against school rules.

Second year of high school, we’re learning how to code on Basic. There was an optional.assignment for extra credits to make a drawing in VBA using only code. 3 girls in my classroom, your average pink barbie, had no idea how to code and weren’t doing very well in class either, so needing those extra credits, came to me with a juicy offer of about 15 bucks each to do it for them.

Now, my teachers error was to tell us in advance not to try this shiz, since he he could tell who did the job for someone else by looking at the coding style, which made sense.

So i tried my best to generate all 4 jobs, different spacing, resources, rems vs apostrophes and such. I don’t remember if i deleted the author from the files’ properties, must have done it though…

I give each girl her floppy (oh, the nostalgia) and tell them they’re done, but they should mess.with the code a bit themselves to further de-aligh styles, which i’m positive they never did.

Fast fwd one year later, my younger brother (same teacher, same class) is telling me how the teacher told them about this optional assignment he used to give, but cancelled after 3 girls got their assignment made by someone he could never catch.


The Sprinter Con

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Criminal here, that was complemented by police officers on my elusiveness.

I was 13 y.o, and took my dad’s truck out for a joy ride while my parents were out of town for the night. I wasn’t so good at driving stick, and got pulled over. I ran for it. I hid in a field for a half hour or so while watching more and more police show up to investigate. When I heard the dogs, I knew it was my time to make it or break it.

So I ran, and boy did I run. I made it to the road and hopped a fence into someone’s yard, and hopped a few more fences (I was, and still am, very athletic). Lost the dogs, but the cruisers were everywhere. I made my way to my house and there were cops on every corner of the street. But a bit of stealthy fence-hopping and I was at my basement window and I crawled in, with the cops literally outside my house. I gathered my things in the dark, and was ready to head off to my buddy’s place, but I was surrounded.

13 yo. dogfck gave the police a very entertaining chase, and they even said so. I felt so complimented that they enjoyed the chase, too. They also said I had no chance of getting away.

I remember eating a grapefruit and trying to ‘play it cool’ while they were questioning me.


The Delivery Con

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When I was young I worked in the docks ( the receiving/ delivery) at David Jones. Every Wednesday we would receive a couple of trucks dropping off the stores white goods, ( washers, fridges, dryers, dishwashers and such).

On one of these Wednesdays we were super busy due to being short staffed and no one was really watching the dock.

A couple of guys turn up in a delivery tuck wearing grey overalls carrying a couple of clipboards, they jump up onto the dock and while one is checking the goods and making a mark on his clipboard, the other dude would load them onto the truck. This went on for about 30mins all the while me and the other bloke working just thought they were sorting out their deliveries.

Totally oblivious until a couple of days later when the Whitegoods manager kicked a stink about customer orders not being delivered that we realised what went down.

Probably lost $20K – $30K worth of gear. Needless to say they beefed up their security on the dock.


The Acidic Con

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Dad’s an ex-cop. Asked him and he told me the story of when a man robbed an adhesives manufacturer for some chemicals used in adhesive drugs. Guy locked himself in a room of highly toxic chemical and threatened to chuck them in the air vents so everyone would inhale them if he wasn’t given a get away. My dad was tasked with escorting a worker while he was turning off the air vents so the robber couldn’t do that. When the police and hazmatt arrive they bust the door down to find the man wasn’t there. The walls were thin enough to kick down… The guy had melted one of the walls and escaped out the back with what he wanted. He used a thick cloth to stop the acids fumes. The hole was only about a foot and a half in diameter. Turns out the guy was caught only a 50meters away cause he burned his leg and hands with acid while using it and trying to get through the hole. Tifu story maybe when he gets out of jail?


The Repelling Con

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When I was an officer we had a guy hitting businesses in the area on an irregular basis. This guy was very much a criminal like you see in the movies.

He would scope out businesses for an unknown amount of time. When it was time for him to rob them he’d pick a weak point of entry on the roof or an exterior wall. The man would break in through the roof or an exterior wall and repel into the business wearing a mask, body armor, a large backpack with a heavy-duty drill and a firearm on his hip. He always planned it so he repelled or entered in the immediate area of the safe and drilled into the safe to steal its contents. He’d then gather all of his stuff and take off having stolen the contents of the safe. We were always a few minutes off from catching him. I left the department a short time later. I have no idea if he was caught. It was never on the news.

Best we ever saw of him was some surveillance footage of him repelling through the ceiling and drilling into the safe. He was good and always knew exactly where the safes were located in the businesses. It was both impressive and frightening. It would not have ended well if we’d ever managed to catch him in the act.