People Share The Biggest Mistakes Women Make In A Relationship
Relationships are never easy. Especially because there is no rule book for the do’s and don’t’s in any relationship. You never really know what you are doing wrong and what you’re doing right and a lot of times seeking the right direction from outsiders can do more harm than good.
Apparently, women have been known to make more errors in a relationship than men. We do not mean it in the wrong way, but women generally have more emotional range than men and sometimes understanding that is difficult not just for men but for women themselves.
30 Redditors share the mistakes they think they women make in a relationship. These Redditors are the women themselves, boyfriends or husbands of those women, girlfriends of those women and simply observers of relationships. These people have shared many things that they believe is a big red flag in a relationship, while some include the tendency of being narcissist, some simply include mean attitude. Read ahead to find out what are the most common mistakes women are making in a relationship.
Narcissm Is Bad For Love
The worst way to test a relationship. I have even seen some girls openly flirting with other guys to simply make their BF jealous. A small percentage even cheat on them, and if caught, they claim the BF wasn’t spending enough attention to them, or spending enough money on them. After the breakup, they get upset that the BF isn’t chasing after them and begging for a second chance. Manipulations from a narcissist does not make a good relationship.
Not Doing Things Together
Sometimes feelings are hard and you don’t actually know what’s wrong. I used to get super pissed at my ex husband but couldn’t really figure out why. After the divorce with some space to think I realized that we didn’t have an emotional connection and he didn’t really confide in me. I was craving that but couldn’t put my finger on what it was exactly, and so the “solution” was to do more things together. But just watching a show together or whatever didn’t fix the problem so it was just a bad cycle. Maybe counseling would help in a normal situation, but it turned out he just wanted to bang dudes. Live and learn I guess haha
Stop Assuming The Worst
Assuming the worst.
Communication is an imprecise art. Any given sentence can probably be interpreted in 5 different ways. I see many women who automatically assume that, of those 5 ways, he must have meant the one that is the worst.
When we started dating, I told my wife “If I say something and it can be taken two ways, and one of those ways makes you upset, trust me, I meant the other one. I’d never say anything to hurt you.”
Conversely, I had a female friend/coworker who offered her assistance, and I said, “No, I think I’ve got it, thanks.” What I meant was, “No, I’ve got it, thanks.” As I found out, she apparently called her sister and the two of them decided that what I really meant was “I don’t respect your abilities and am trying to undermine you publicly in order to humiliate you in front of our coworkers and supervisor.”
Oh this for sure! Ladies, don’t go to your friends and go “he said this, what do you think that means?” Because more than likely they are going to jump to the worst conclusion. Keep it to yourself and come up with your own conclusion…you’ll probably make a much better one than your friend who wasn’t even present at the time.
5 Some Space Please
Not giving your bf space. I can understand wanting to be with that person, but everyone needs alone time, whether it be a little or a lot. Not saying you shouldn’t spend time together, but every now and again when he gets in front of the console and/or goes hanging with the boys, let him be (provided he’s not doing anything too stupid). A couple hours apart won’t kill you. But my fellow guys, also make sure to spend time with your gf, it’s a team effort.
6 Give Some Compliments To Your Man
At roughly the 5 year mark of being married, there was an Ask Reddit thread asking men what physical compliment their SO had given them that meant the most. I read a few, then attempted to answer. I sat looking at my screen for a very long time, unable to recall my wife ever giving me a physical compliment (I have cyclist legs, run marathons, and have visible abs, btw). I finally gave up trying to contribute to the thread, but the question haunted me for days. From the time I asked her out, throughout the year and a half pre-marriage, and 5 years of marriage, not a single one. And if there had been one, there certainly hadn’t been two. That was 7+ years ago, and I’ve been anticipating a physical compliment ever since, but not received one.
For Good Advice, Share Good Stuff Too
Telling friends/coworkers only about the crappy things their boyfriends do then asking for advice and being shocked when they’re told “he seems abusive dump him” not only shocked but then actively angry that people would “Misread” the situation.
The thing is if you want good advice a girl needs to include good things he does, bad things she does, good things she does. If people only know that he constantly shirks helping with the laundry but don’t know he’s working 12 hour days while she’s working 5 hour days then their advice is going to be based on the impression that he’s a lazy idiot that makes her do everything.
Obligatory I’m not a guy…….
One big mistake I see girls make more often than guys but guys sometimes do as well is always having to DO something, you have to be able to just be able to enjoy being together even if you both are doing your own thing or else you’re going to get bored really fast. Me and my hubby are perfectly content just chilling out while I browse the net or play a video game and he reads his news articles, watches TV, or browses the net. Don’t even have to talk.
Speaking of talking, girls do NOT give your man the silent treatment just because you’re having a temper tantrum! If you are afraid of saying something nasty then just tell him you need a few minutes to cool down and then discuss the problem! Men are not mind readers ladies! He won’t know what is bothering you if you don’t open your mouth and tell him!
Straightforward & Upfront
Women learn to speak to each other using context and euphemisms and hidden meanings and stuff like that.
Like, I have a friend who will get upset and withdraw from people and pretend nothing is wrong, but if you let her keep pretending like nothing is wrong, then she’ll spiral down this hole of “nobody cares about me”, so you have to basically force her to accept the attention she was looking for the whole time.
Is that needlessly complicated and annoying and less straightforward than just being upfront? Yes, but… at the same time… I also KNOW all of this from context and the history of our interactions, so for ME I just KNOW that something is wrong and how to deal with it. It’s straightforward for ME because I’m basically trained to recognize what she needs/wants from a friend.
So we ladies have all this training in interpreting the emotions and behaviours of our fellow ladies, so much so that it’s honestly second-nature, but unfortunately, we over-extend this sort of thinking to men because it’s just natural that people assume other people think about things the way they do.
So it’s not that we’re trying to make your lives harder, it’s that we’ve been socialized to see and interact with people in a different way that clashes with yours.
He's Not Your Pet Project
A lot of women think someone will change just because the gal believes she’s a special case. Self respect is good and all, but believing someone will change for you is deluded – plus, do you really wanna date someone who only wants to be a way because you want them to?
Dudes normally apply this to the “women dating badboys” trope but as another example, I’m asexual and the most common response I get is “maybe you just haven’t found someone who does it right.” – guarantee some of y’all even think it about aces. It’s a mostly harmless opinion but when someone becomes interested in me it progresses to a more arrogant “I’ll show him a good time smug emoji” and leads to a lot of complications when I show no interest or reluctantly semi my way through a disappointing bang.
Stop Being Controlled
Not realizing when they are being taken advantage of and controlled.
I have a friend right now, she is doing good for herself. She is employed at the same place as I am, she is going to school and will be finishing her bachelors degree in August but her boyfriend is going absolutely nowhere. He talks down to her pretty often, calls her names, doesn’t really help out around their house, ditches out on things she wants to do to go hang out with his friends instead, and there are other things as well.
They have been together for 6 years and she refuses to realize that he is controlling her and using her and won’t just get out of that situation.
Become More Responsible
Unwillingness to take responsibility for their own decisions or just avoiding making decision in the first place.
One variation on that is something like the following:
Guy: “We can meet at X for our date, what do you think?”
Girl: “I don’t know, up to you…”
Guy:”Ok, let’s go to X then.”
Afterwards the girl is sulking and pouting because she didn’t really want to go that place or it wasn’t like she thought it would be, but refuses to acknowledge that she had a part in the decision making process and it’s not just the guy’s fault that she didn’t have as much fun as she expected.
Stop Apologizing Always
Overuse of apologies can make it feel like you’re not actually apologizing at all, just trying to get to the part where you’re not in trouble anymore, and that you don’t actually care about the problem beyond not having the other person being mad at you.
In that sense, it’s very similar to not apologizing at all, except that you’re also putting the blame for not forgiving you on the person you’re apologizing to.
Obviously this isn’t always the case, but it can absolutely feel like someone who apologizes is just weaponizing it.
He Can't Read Your Mind
Assuming the guy can read your mind.
Pro-tip from someone who used to be this girl and has been in a relationship for a few years.
If you stop being immature and illogical assuming he can automatically know what you want, he will eventually be capable of making logical guesses to what you want.
You cannot expect someone who doesn’t know you to know you. I really only see this from newer or younger relationships (mine isn’t really that old, but I haven’t done this since I was a teenager.) Even after being with someone for years, people change, people have a lot on their minds, people are quite literally ignorant.
Do yourself a favor and your partners and just freaking tell them the problem. Help them understand you.
Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus.
Eh… as a gay man I have the looking inside from the outside perspective courtesy of my (straight) brother’s relationships.
Honestly, it’s a two way street; most men are taught to repress emotions and not let anyone in. Women however are emotionally tuned creatures and most female to female relationships (IE friendships) rely on emotional understanding and bonding- that I’ve noticed.
Women expect this level of emotional connection with men and it leads to issues because most men can be ignorant, unwilling, or unsure of this, and women refuse to stop seeing a donkey as a horse.
The amount of times I’ve had to reassure my brother’s current girlfriend that he’s not upset with her is absurd, and having to tell my brother what was going on in his girlfriend’s universe because she was afraid to assume anything or didn’t think it’d be appropriate to say anything.
Which brings me to my next observation: such deeply ingrained social conventions and expectations of a bygone era that plague people today.
Usually the necessary amounts of communication are seen as invasive, pervasive, and even taboo.
Many straight couples I’ve met used me as a mediator because they didn’t know or felt it wasn’t okay to talk about feelings and letting the other party know how they felt for “minor” things; listen if you need a mediator to ask about something than it isn’t a “minor” issue.
Sex was a huge topic that usually gets left unstirred, at least in the beginning. Finding a healthy sexual balance and satisfaction can take so long for couples, sometimes too long- because people are uncomfortable talking about something. Listen, if someone’s seen you naked and/or passed gas in front of you… it’s okay.
In essence- it boils down a lack of meaningful communication and lack of understanding and insight from BOTH parties.
Take Your Own Decision
Acting against your own interests in a relationship.
I’ll use as an example the “where to eat” trope.
Generally speaking most Women want a Man who can make decisions.
If you ask “What should we go to eat” It’s more attractive for the Man to make a decision. “I don’t know what do you want?” isn’t the most attractive trait.
That’s generally understood.
But later that night when you moan about where you went to eat, or generally cause hassle about it, you are literally training your Man to be indecisive next time, and thus be unattractive to you.
Then 6 months down the track you’ll dump him because he’s indecisive.
It’s like training a Dog to ignore your commands, then getting rid of him because he won’t behave at the Dog Park and he’s annoying you.
Your actions have to match what your goals are and work towards them, not against them.
You're Not Owed Anything
On the other extreme of women not knowing their value, are the self-centered women who seemingly believe they are “owed” something. They are not grateful that a man opted to spend his time, talent and treasure with her. In fact, they have an attitude of entitlement. You may be surprised how many women stay in relationships with men — or even multiple men — for the gifts and prizes. It’s also not unheard of for women to accept free dinners, order the most expensive things on the menu and then disappear or be busy when a man tries to ask them out again. If you think the term “gold digger” sounds bad, consider how it feels to be on the receiving end of that kind of behavior.
Stop Keeping Secrets
Keeping important things from your partner
I’ve had a couple of relationships where at some point the girl just keeps important things that bother her to herself because she “doesn’t want me to worry” or “stress out more than I already (presumably because of AP) am”
I prefer to know everything about my partners.
I don’t know if this is universal, so I’ll just say: Always communicate. As my official answer. Always tell why you are mad. Express you’re hurt instead of angry.
Choose Decent, Not Toxic.
I literally had this conversation with a woman complains her boyfriend kept cheating one her.
– Why don’t you leave him?
– But I like him sooooo muuuuuch.
I know more single-mother than I know married couples with kids. They date guys that have no future, get pregnant from them, and since these guys have nothing in life and no desire to improve, they end up alone taking care of the kid themselves. That seems to be the norm nowadays. Hell, there’s someone in my family who is from a middle-class family. He had all chances to go to college (went for a few months and gave up), his dad has a mid-sized business (he doesn’t want to work there) and he has 3 children… with 3 different women… and he’s single. I think he now drives Uber (even with the opportunity of taking over his dad business).
That goes for guy too. A cousin of mine dated a crazy woman. They got married and, a few months after it, she just disappears to live an alternative life in a community. She is now is India doing god knows what.
If you wanna date someone, just choose a person who is decent… And if along the way you see this person is not so decent, leave him, yeah, don’t waste your time. This “love” thing is temporary, it’s just some chemicals in your brain. They go away in a few months.
Effort means the world in a relationship in my eyes. Showing that you care not only about him, but (especially) about yourself. Not in an egotistical way, but that you take care of yourself and that you have the drive to succeed. Being ambitious not only benefits your own life, but it’s an attractive quality and it feels good to make something of yourself.
Even the small steps matter. Clean room, bathroom, and living room, being able to cook, being financially organized, considering future careers, good hygiene, walking with a straight back/posture, eating better food/less fast foods. It may not seem terribly relevant, but it makes a tremendous difference in how you carry yourself and see yourself. There’s a sense of pride knowing that you take care of yourself, and that builds self esteem, helping to choke away insecurities.
I don’t know how much of this is relevant to you, but it has helped me in dealing with low self esteem and being generally insecure. I just hope something I say will pass on to be useful
Choose Bond Over James Bond
Adding my two cents here. I agree with most posts here, we all keep seeing the same behaviours on occidental women, influenced a lot by movies. Here’s a summary of my experience after 25 years and 3 cities.
For women in big cities, caring only about signs of money. 1000 women go after 25 “looks rich” guys and then they come crying saying that “all men are the same”. No honey, all men you chose to sleep with are the same.
For women in their 40’s… not getting over a divorce and look ahead. “I divorced just 4 years ago, I’m not ready for a new relationship”… Just how many years do you think you’re going to live? Enjoy life, time flies.
Expecting men to behave like the ones on romantic comedies. Like jumping through the security at the airport chasing after them. They don’t think that you’ll get killed or at least arrested and charged with terrorism.
Expecting men to be like James Bond, with a supercar, several houses around the World, VIP status on casinos… whatever. Look, try to find someone like Neil Armstrong, committed, caring, centered on your wellbeing and do things right.
Not caring about their bodies and sex. Look, men seek women for a reason, If I want to have a conversation about Etruscan art, I can have it with a 60 year old man with a beard. If you don’t provide what a man expects from a woman, do not complain that men do not want to commit to a long-term relationship. I know that there can be other relationships and other factors, and it’s OK, but 95% of the time this is important.
Not communicating in general, expecting men to guess what you want, in the first date, without knowing anything about you. This is difficult enough when you have a relationship. We have developed language for a purpose…
As others have said, thinking that you are Sherlock Holmes and have discovered some crazy conspiration from a single word in a sentence. Men are simple, they mean exactly what they say, do not elaborate a full movie from a simple sentence. I have been accused of a lot of stupid things without any proof. Relationships with a very good, sincere and trustworthy man ruined because she sees ghosts from the past and attacks.
Not be clear about the very basic and important things from the beginning, like whether you expect to have children immediately, or are going to leave town in 2 months or are incredibly busy and cannot have a second date in months. Do not waste other people’s time, we are also human and have a life, other things to do. Again, we are adults, and we have invented language for a reason.
Assuming they can “fix” their flawed boyfriends. While I agree that there are somethings you might be able to fix, like for example getting them to stop smoking, there are a lot of things that can’t be fixed. Like if the guy is lazy, an idiot, and/or they sleep around, chances are those attributes won’t get fixed.
Comparing their relationships to their friends relationships. First off, every relationship is different and every S/O has different flaws as well as different positive attributes. Second, in many cases, you aren’t seeing everything that goes on within that relationship. Comparing relationships and letting that set your expectations is a recipe for disaster.
This is a different take, but I see this happen with both guys and girls, treating your S/O as the only person in your life. I’ve seen this happen with so many people, but they get into a relationship, and then you never see them again. I get it, that person is probably pretty cool to be around and they likely mean a lot to you. But you should still make time for your friends, even if that means sometimes the S/O doesn’t tag along. A good friend of mine got her first serious boyfriend, and immediately stopped texting me or hanging out with me. I haven’t heard from her in two years.
Stop Dominating Always
I haven’t dated in over a decade (married) but I have 2 adult stepdaughters and I can tell one of the things the older one did wrong. She is very strong willed and self reliant, totally happy about that as a parent by the way, but she wanted a guy that would basically do things the way she wants, when and how she wants. We tried explaining to her that relationships work best with a compromise between the two people. After 3 or 4 short relationships she finally decided to release a little control and compromise with her current boyfriend. She seems a lot happier now that she has managed to let him make some decisions. Basically ladies, and fellas, if you really want a relationship to work it takes work and a happy middle ground.
Love Yourself First
I know a girl who breaks up with her baby’s dad every other day.. Goes on FB and says the worst shiz about him, and then 2 days later is back calling him her soulmate.. And it repeats. Every few days.
Then there are those girls who are in LOVE by day 3 of the relationship and say they’re soul mates or whatever.. Next week, it’s a totally new guy, same “amazing love”.
People need to be OK with being ALONE. If every single guy who gives you attention is the one, and you “fall in love” with a new guy weekly, then you’re just scared of being alone and in love with the idea of being in love. You want it so bad that you will force it with anyone.
Love your damn self first.!
Life Is Not A RomCom
Unrealistic expectations. Specifically younger girls (under 25) have the “RomCom” fantasy that the guy will magically realize something and become the perfect guy they wanted all along. This never happens. No guy will ever be perfect.
Along with that, lack of communication. Guys are on the whole simple creatures. If you don’t tell us something is wrong, we will assume one of two things. Either nothing is wrong, or whatever is wrong is not a big enough deal to bother addressing.
Overanalyzing. Again guys are, on the whole, simple creatures. When we say we are thinking about “Nothing”, we really are thinking about nothing. If we seem distant at some point we probably aren’t doing it on purpose ,we’re thinking about something stupid like “I wonder if I’d be a good Jaeger pilot, but who would I be drift compatible with….
You Can't Be Always Right
I have a huge list, but I’ll give some of my highlights.
Assuming their partner can read minds and instantly know why they’re upset when they won’t tell them. People aren’t psychic. Tell them why you’re mad so that you can work it out.
Have ridiculous body standards that they refuse to budge on, like not dating a guy under 6′. Stop being unrealistic, it’s okay to have preferences, but you’ve got to learn to compromise on that.
Get mad at partner when they are feeling upset about something because they just want partner to be a stoic hero 24/7. Your partner is human. They’re going to feel sad. Listen to them and let them talk about it.
Assuming that just because they’re horny, they’re entitled to sex. This isn’t okay when anyone does it, but I’ve seen so many girls get mad because they think that because they’re a girl, they should get it whenever they want.
“I’m the girlfriend, so I’m always right!”
Pulling the “fake breakup” bullshiz to see if their SO begs for them back so they can feed their own ego. This is a horrible and emotionally manipulative thing to do, but it’s also pretty stupid. If their partner has any degree of respect for them, they’re just going to take the “breakup” at face value and move on.
Let Him Breathe
I’d be protective of my SO too but god damn let the man breathe.
I’ve got a friend who has a girlfriend who is straight up obsessed with him, and it’s been a few years they’ve been dating and she’s still like it.
Me and him would hang out once maybe twice a week if were really lucky due to him spending every evening/night with her which is fine I don’t mind that but when me and him would hang out and play Xbox she would FaceTime him and text him constantly and if he doesn’t answer or respond in a minute or two she freaks out.
This isn’t an exaggeration too it’s actually like that. And if he doesn’t answer she gets so livid she will call him over and over and complain that he’s hanging out with me and not her after he spends every other day with her.
I understand they’re dating, I have nothing wrong with that but god damn let the dude breathe. It’s honestly beyond me that they’re still together but hey if that’s what he wants that’s all him. All I can say is obsession is a big problem I see in relationships.
Stop The Dumb Tests
Really this applies to both sexes, but testing your SO is idiotic. I once had a girl I was dating in high school intentionally sit at a different table than the one I was with my friends just to see if I’d leave to go sit with her and her friends. All of this despite the fact the plan was for us to meet up there and everyone sit together. I did not play along with that nonsense and when she tried getting upset with me later I chewed her out.
Making up dumb little “tests” that are of no consequence and simply meant to sow conflict will not enhance your ability to find the right person.
Mistakes Happen. Accept Them.
My last relationship, my partner never took responsibility for her mistakes. Sometimes she would say sorry and even cry and apologize but then forget about it right after. Always criticized me for stuff that wasn’t even worth fighting over (my hair, my driving (thought I was too slow), me talking too quietly). She had some serious issues however and refused to acknowledge them in the future. Face the facts and shiz. When she did every now and then, she got really angry. Took it as a personal insult. Even if she just remembered on her own. She was mad that she did that stuff and took it out on me. I’d have to calm her down by saying it wasn’t that bad, even though it was definitely bad.
Basically no one is perfect. Mistakes happen. Talk them out. Learn from them. Do not let them pile up. Do not try to push blame. This goes for guys too.
It’s death by a thousand cuts for guys and we will eventually stop doing things that are not fair.
For example always asking for a foot or back rub but never ever giving one in return will mean that you’ll eventually never get another foot or back rub. It actually becomes emotionally painful for a guy after enough times of his SO taking without giving back.
And it doesn’t even have to be perfect reciprocation, just the thought and honestly trying is all that it takes.
Be kind to your man, that’s really all he wants.