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Doctors And Nurses Share Their Funniest ER Stories

By Sana Ahmad - December 12, 2019

Usually Emergency rooms are all about this never ending battle between life and death with people (friends, family and sometimes kind strangers) patiently waiting outside, probably praying for their loved ones to get better. The on duty doctors, nurses and other ER staff are busy saving as many lives as they can (so yeah, basically doing their job). In other words, the aura of the place is not necessarily cheerful, if we may say! Well, having cleared that, it shouldn’t come as a surprise when we say that ER is a place nobody is dying to get into (if you are literally dying though we suggest you rush to one).

Now, would you believe us if we tell you there are occasions when ‘most of the times’ gloomy ER, lights up a little… Don’t get confused, we will simplify it for you guys!! Every once in a while there comes in a patient who either ends up doing/saying something really funny or has a weird problem which at times makes the docs and nurses go ‘WHAT THE HELL!’ From things lodged inside and in no-so-flattering way to people high on drugs making up all sort of tales, these Redditors shared their funny ER moments. Don’t believe us? Read ahead and find out for yourself…

 

Crazy Case Of Skittles

Credits: The Independent

“I was working in Triage where we check patients in when a mid-30’s woman came up trying to explain her symptoms. She kind of leaned over and whispers, “I got dem skittles down there. You know? I slept with a guy and got dem skittles.”

As I’m trying to see if she’s serious, trying not to laugh, she says she has to go to the bathroom. I’m boggled and just more or less like, ‘What the hell does that even mean? Skittles in her… never mind.’

My coworker came up to me to relay something while skittles lady came back from the bathroom and said, “Never mind, don’t have to worry about dem skittles, they gone.” And she walked out of the ER, leaving me there while I’m trying not to burst out laughing.

My coworker looked horrified. Another day in Triage.”  (Mechanical Nurse)

Stick To The Story

Credits: Memegenerator

“It was before I got into medical school, I was volunteering in the ER. I walked in one night, and a tech was scrubbing a guy with road rash down his arm, his body, and his leg. It looked really painful, and I asked the patient what happened.

“I was on my Harley, and I was being chased by the cops. I went around a corner, hit some gravel, and laid my bike down.”

I noticed the man’s wife in the corner of the room roll her eyes.

“How does that story sound?” He asked.

“Sounds great,” I said. “What really happened?”

“I was on my scooter going downhill and I fell off.”

“Stick with the first story.” (angmarsilar)

Class On How To Use The Medication

Credits: Knowyourmeme

“We had one woman come back again, and her chief complaint was constipation. Going into her chart I saw that she had been previously given some suppositories to take, and in the triage note she said her meds weren’t working and she wanted some different ones.

So the doc is asking her questions, making sure nothing else is wrong, and they get to the part about the meds. She says “Well yeah, the pills I got last time were huge! I have to break them in half to swallow them!”

And then we had to explain that suppositories are not meant to be eaten, and that was why her medication was not relieving her symptoms. She thought Suppository was the name of the medication, like Tylenol is for acetaminophen.

I still can’t forget the doctor explaining to her how to actually use her medication. “On your thumb and up the bum!” (mamblepamble)

Up, Above And Stuck

Credits: Deviantart

“I was triaging a patient and going through the usual questions. I asked him if he was moving his bowels alright when he abruptly got up and closed the door to the triage room. He said, “Well that’s sorta why I’m here.” I nodded and said “ok, why are you here today?” He replied, “I have an object stuck in my rectum.” I said, “I see and what is it?” He flatly stated “a wooden dowel”. He spread his hands apart by about 18 inches and said “it’s this long” and then curled his fist into a circle about 3 inches in diameter and said “it’s this round.” I nodded and he looked directly into my eyes and said, “You probably think this is some kind of perverted thing don’t you?” In a deadpan voice I replied, “I don’t think sir, I only write.” This is about 9pm. I asked him, “When did this object become lodged in you?” He said, “Yesterday around 3pm.” The guy has spent over 24 hours trying to get this piece of lumber out of his bottom! One of the triage questions was ‘who are you accompanied by?’ When I asked him that he said “My brother. There are just some things you need to confide with your brother about.” I was thinking to myself had this been me, I would have driven to West Virginia, checked in under the name John Smith and payed in cash before I told my brother. Long story short, he needed to have surgery to remove the object. Moral of the story, if you’re going to put something up your bottom, use a lanyard so that you can retrieve it!” (EzraSteel)

Teenager On The Loose

Credits: Danoah.com

“I was a volunteer transporter at this time, and I had just finished moving a patient to the CT scan room. I hear an announcement that said “Code Security, CT scan hallway.” I peak my head out the room, and flying past me is a very young teenager sprinting down the hall, flailing his arms and screeching. He gets to the end of the hallway and out of nowhere an absolutely massive security guard spears this kid with the force to take out a bear. It happened so quickly that I just started losing it laughing.

Found out later the kid was tripping balls from too much LSD and had escaped from the emergency department.” (UptownShenanigans)

When Firefighters Got Cake And Tea For The Victim

Credits: Quickmeme

EMT. This was my last day of training. Responded to a life alert call. This could have been anything, firefighters get there first and we get no updates so we take everything from the truck just in case. We get into the apartment and there’s firefighters frantically running around the kitchen that was surrounded by a baby gate. We see the patient and she looked fine just sitting in a wheelchair talking to the firefighters. We ask what was going on. A firefighter says to us that Ms life-alert is not allowed in the kitchen because she almost burned the house down so that’s why there’s a baby gate to block her in. She lives with her son and he’s working today. So Ms life-alert wanted a piece of cake but couldn’t get to the kitchen, so she thought the most logical way of getting it was to press her life-alert button so that the firefighters could get it for her. So I’m standing there “learning” and seeing the firefighters ask if she wanted ice tea with her cake and slicing it for her. I ask my field training officer what I write in the report. He says to me “just say we were cancelled by fire” (senorspielbergo)

The Not So Smart Doctor

Credits: Memecrunch

Not a doctor, but I work in healthcare. A few years ago we had a Marine come in who tried “petting a coyote.” and naturally he got bitten, so I do my job, vitals, clean the wound, and take him to the “battalion surgeon” aka our Battalion’s Doctor. The doctor calls him stupid and gives him bacitracin and says come back after the 4 day weekend. So I say “Uh, LT you sure you don’t wanna give him anything stronger? Coyote mouths can be pretty dirty ya know?” and this idiot says to me “Which one of us graduated medical school?” “Ok sir, understood.” So I tell this Marine the signs and symptoms of an infection and sepsis and tell him to come to my barracks room if anything happened…. well Tuesday comes around and he’s being carried into the Aid Station by his fire team and he’s got erythema, edema, all over his entire left arm and 3/4ths of his chest. Dudes flaccid, and only gives simple responses when you yell your commands at him. He was tachycardic, hypotensive, and his temp was 105 F. Sounds bad right? So, in walks the doctor and the only thing this Medical Officer of the United States Navy could think to ask is “MARINE! DID YOU USE THE BACITRACTIN LIKE I TOLD YOU!?” He was doing a sternal rub and dead set on getting his answer, meanwhile the vitals machine is freaking out because again the Marine is still going septic. Ultimately a different provider came in, started screaming at our Dr., threw his keys at me and said by the time I get to the base hospital ER they’ll already have full situational awareness.” (sofa_king_gr8_)

Taco Bell Lodged Inside

Credits: Makeameme

Not a doctor or a nurse, I’m a lab tech. I was working a slower evening shift at the hospital when I see a patient come in with the presenting complaint of ‘foreign body’. These typically end up with either a child ate something or shoved something where it didn’t belong. Turns out a middle aged male had stuck ‘a bottle in his bottom’ and could not get it out. After a while I find out they need to call in anesthesia in order to put this patient into twilight so he can relax enough for them to get it out. Fast forward to after removal, they then bring this bottle in a large container to the lab in order for a pathologist to check that it was intact and unbroken. My curiosity became overwhelming as I had to deliver this to the pathology dept. I delivered it then and proceeded to open the lid to find an unopened intact bottle of Taco Bell mild hot sauce.

Apparently this guy had done this before and ‘couldn’t get it out as he normally does’.” (Yournamehere89)

Bloody Palms On The Doctor

Credits: Imgflip

Not my patient, but I was there when it happened. Had a guy come in with a hgb around 4, dizzy and short of breath, but otherwise alert and oriented. His nurse caught him later, confused as hell and sitting on the edge of the bed. He chewed through the tubing and was sucking on the blood that was transfusing. A few of us came in to help clean him up. The ER doc walked in to find out what was going on, he motioned her to come closer and then unexpectedly put both his bloody palms on her chest, leaving two red handprints. Silence fell like thick fog. The patient giggled, pointed to the marks and whispered “Uruk-hai.” (EveGor)

Asbestos Alert In The Hospital

Credits: Imgur

Not me, but my stepdad who was an ER nurse.

For context, airborne asbestos should never be allowed near air vents units as the particles are small enough to slip through the filters and get spread by the vents.

With this in mind by can imagine my stepdads panic when a construction worker walks into ER covered head to toe in asbestos (as in, you could no longer see the high viz jacket under it) and says to him “I think I’ve been exposed to asbestos.”

Guy had been doing work on one of the older wings of the hospital and had taken a sledgehammer to a wall that they didn’t check for what the insulation was made of.

My stepdad had to usher him out the reception and have the vents shut off before the asbestos was thrown halfway across the hospital.” (Fish_can_Roll76)

Nastiest Looking Tampon

Credits: Quickmeme

“Not a medical professional in any way but my mom was a nurse. One time she had a woman come in who was complaining about “funny smells from down there”, so my mom takes her to a room to inspect and pulls out what she said was the nastiest looking tampon that she had ever seen. I’m a dude so I don’t know how long it would hypothetically take for one to go bad but my mom said it had turned green and all sorts of other colors by that point. When my mom explained to the woman what the cause of the smell was, she responded “Oh that’s so funny, the same thing happened to my mother. It must be genetic.” (Oripahs_Mada)

Dude High On Heroin

Credits: Imgflip

“Patient brought in because he was high as a kite wandering the middle of a busy street. Ask what he’s been taking. “I dunno, man, a little of everything, I guess”. That’s not really enough information, so I start listing drugs. Marijuana? Yeah he just had some. Cocaine? Oh yeah that too. Methamphetamines? Ohh yeah, just got some. Also he had some alcohol to top it all off. Heroin? “HELL NO, I don’t touch that stuff!” Okay sir, thanks for letting us know. We’ll try to get you straightened out. We ran a urine drug screen. It only came back positive for heroin.” (LatrodectusGeometric)

Too Much Of Cough Syrup

Credits: Twitter

I worked nights as an ER nurse. One night about 20 minutes into my shift, a day nurse said nonchalantly “Hey there’s a naked guy outside, i need you to help me get him.” I’m like yeah right haha and she’s like “No I’m serious.” Not too far out the ambulance doors is a guy soaking wet wearing absolutely nothing but a button up shirt (which is unbuttoned). We have no idea why he’s wet but he’s staggering all over the place and talking about a plane crash. So i run back inside to get wayyy more help and gloves of course. It took 6 of us to get the dude into a wheelchair and into the ER. I gave him a B52 (a shot of benadryl, haldol, and ativan) which knocked him out after 10 minutes or so. He was tall and pretty well built. Didn’t look like a meth head and didn’t smell like alcohol. His head CT and tox screen were negative. He was admitted for observation. Turns out he had a cold so he took some cough syrup, then had his usual nightly couple of beers. Went to walk his dog and blacked out i guess. He fell into a canal which explained why he was soaking wet. Still unsure why he was talking about a plane crash tho lol.” (dipped-in-butter)

Stomach Pain Eventually Led To A Big Laugh

Credits: Maxim

I was the patient. I was in extreme pain all day when I was maybe 13 or 14. The pain was in my stomach area. My folks were starting to worry about me so they took me to the ER. They ran some tests and the whole lot. They ended up giving me some muscle relaxers since I was very tense. Completely out of my control shortly after I let out the biggest fart and felt perfect. Everyone got a big laugh about it and I got to feel awkward as I fart in front of everyone and then just say ok I feel better now. My parents now refer to the incident as the $500 fart. 13 years later.” (kotagil)

Vibrator Stuck In The Wrong Place

Credits: Cheezburger

“I was an evening/overnight admissions clerk for a small ER from 2009-2011. I once had a couple come in late at night into a relatively slow ER and tell me they need to be seen right away. Our ER was one of two in our city and the other ER was a high trauma center so they were far busier than us. I ring my triage nurse bell and they go into the glass triage room with a nurse. The guy won’t sit down and the woman is pacing trying to hide her smile. I see the nurses face go from serious to also trying to hold back a smile. The guy is pissed and not amused at all. The nurse then brings me the triage forms and I start to register the patient. He still won’t sit down and I always have to ask if it was accident related and when the accident occurred. The woman lost her poise. She just started laughing hysterically and that’s when I heard this buzzing noise. At that moment I looked at the triage form again. I usually didn’t read the actual triage reason for visits as it was time consuming and I was expected to register in under 2 minutes per patient. If it was an immediate emergent concern the nurse would room the patient immediately and bypass the registration process. As I read I see this guy has a mini vibrator stuck up his bottom. His wife and him were messing around and apparently she shoved it up but couldn’t get it back out. He wouldn’t sit because of obvious discomfort (or maybe too much comfort??) and it would buzz even louder. I hurried through their registration and got them away from my desk to the lobby so I could giggle a little. I believe they actually had to call in the surgical crew to get it out but my shift was up before any of them arrived.” (HiImDana)

When They Checked Dead Patient’s Blood Sugar

Credits: Minhaserie.com.br

“I’m a nurse tech at a major hospital. I work in the ICU.. which is in the TEC tower. So, close to the ER. Maybe I have a dark sense of humor, but we have a nurse tech that is probably in her 60’s. A patient had just died and the family was in the room still and she walks in to check the dead patients blood sugar. With the family in the room. Then proceeds to tell the nurse the blood sugar was low (DUH) and the nurse thought she was joking. The nurse was like “yeah she’s dead…?” And the tech just said “oh, okay!” And walked away. Yikes” (mth69)

Crazy Patients In The House

Credits: Knowyourmeme

“Few quick ones off the top of my head.

– A patient was screaming at the top of his lungs. The reason was he claimed that he couldn’t breathe. When the doctor told him that he could breathe the patient said: “Oh… well I need medicine!”

– A patient had 3 security guards watching her. She kept saying that she wanted to go home. They wouldn’t let her. When she asked “Why?!” one of the security guards said, “Because I said so.”. The patient then started screaming for her doctor. The doctor told her that she couldn’t leave and the reason was that she was drunk and dancing in the middle of traffic in a known hooker/drug area. The doctor said she was going to remain in the hospital until she sobered up. She claimed that she wasn’t drunk and that no one can judge her. Only God. The doctor walked away when the patient started screaming for medicine.

– Had to take a patient to a test. He was more than able to move around. His wife was on him like he was paralyzed from the neck down. She held him down there so he could pee in a urinal then somehow spilled it on the floor. I got a towel and was ready to ask one of the housekeepers for help when the wife took it upon herself to clean. I wasn’t in the mood so I just gave her a few towels and left. When the patient and I came back… the wife picked up the pee soaked towels with her bare hands and asked me to take it from her. I pointed to a Soiled Linen bin and told her to put it in there. The bin was about a foot away from her. She didn’t want to do it. She wanted me to move to the other side of the room and do it for her. Then she tried to get her husband’s pants on him and somehow got the pants soaked in his piss. I left the room and tried my best to not burst out laughing.” (KarmaticFox)

Drunk Marine Got Tattooed

Credits: Memeshappen

Not me but my mom. She used to work at a nursing home. She told my cousin and I a story of an old man who was a marine, apparently he got real drunk overseas and hooked up with some women. He woke up with the tattoo on his peen. The tattoo said “sweet meat”.” (AWildBearWow)

Withdrawal Symptoms And More

Credits: Mememaker

I‘m a paramedic. We got a call „racing heartbeat“ or something. We arrived and went upstairs to a younger woman. She was agitated and behaved kind of weird. So I asked her what was going on and she said that she needs to go to the ER because her heart is racing like crazy. She‘d walk around the room for another five minutes repeating it. I asked whether she took any drugs recently. She said she had some Crystal about 36 hrs ago – and that she‘s using „from time to time“. So I told her she‘s having withdrawal symptoms. She was like „whaat ooh okay… kinda makes sense…“ I then asked her why she wouldn’t walk to the ER since it was only about a 3 min walk. She then said „I cannot walk there. I get dizzy when I sit down.“ – I wanted to reply but I just got confused for a sec and asked her to repeat that. – We told her that she could easily walk there because she‘s been walking around ever since we arrived. And still she said „NOOOO…. can‘t do. I‘mma get dizzy when I sit down!“ End of story: We had to take her to the ER where she sat down perfectly fine and was like „whoaa this isn’t so bad at all.“ (naddycted)

Allergic To Guinea Pigs

Credits: Imgflip

“Not a Dr/nurse, but the patient. I was getting extensive allergy testing done using the scratch test. I requested to be tested for guinea pigs since I knew I was allergic , and hoped to get treated for them. I hadn’t had them since I was young because of my severe allergic reaction to them. After the serum was applied, the Dr. called his nurse in from the other room in a slightly panicked voice, “Have you ever seen a reaction as bad as this before?” Apparently the welt was the size of a large dinner plate. I couldn’t be treated, and I’m still deathly allergic to guinea pigs.” (flecksable_flyer)

Rat On The Window Sill

Credits: Memegenerator

“This one is from my mom, and it’s not an ER story, but here we go anyway:

My mom was going to a psych ward or whatever as part of her medical training, and she’s in a room with a dude in his hospital bed, and this dude looks over at the window and just passively goes, “Oh, look, there’s a rat on the window sill….”

My mom’s in her early twenties here, mildly freaked out, nodding uncomfortably, thinking, Oh, cool, this dude’s lost it already.

He’s still staring, and when she finally turned to look, there was an actual rat on the window sill. Poking around. Very alive.” (aria_26)

You Have Gotta Control Your Anger

Credits: Memeshappen

Was a Paramedic in one of the bigger cities in Ohio. Dude gets drunk, arguing with his gf. Punches through a plate glass window and severs his brachial artery. Blood everywhere, dude is belligerent and yelling at everyone. A couple tourniquets and a trip to the trauma surgeon.

Fast forward two weeks: Call to a bar in town for an assault. Walk in to find the same dude, now with a bandaged stump where his arm used to be. Guy JUST got out of hospital, went straight to the bar, got drunk, started talking crap, and another guy whacked his fresh stump with a cue stick and busted his stitches open.”  (Waspy1)

Delusional To Next Level

Credits: Imgflip

“I’m a psych nurse and am amazingly privileged to hear the stories of people that come to the ED looking for help. In these days of drug and alcohol abuse it’s a rare privilege for us to meet a truly psychotic patient (treat for us as clinicians, not the poor patient). We had a young guy come in who was fearful for his life because he thought that the nazis in Austria had discovered that he was descendant from ancient Prussian royalty and if Europe found out he existed their economy would crumble. He said it all started when he started a new course at uni and the lecturer was Austrian and he stared at him through the whole lecture and he knew things about his childhood that he shouldn’t have known. He went to the library to find ‘evidence’ that his heritage was not what he was thinking it was, but instead his research confirmed everything (so he believed). He told his psychologist about this (he was seeing a psychologist as he was having difficulty concentrating at uni) and he believed that she contacted the Australian Embassy in Canberra (Australia). He told us that agents from the Australian Embassy were covertly protecting him from the Austrian Nazis that we’re trying to kill him to protect Europe. He knew he was being protected because he could ‘hear’ the agents talking around corners. Sadly for his family he believed that he had been removed from his real family and ‘placed’ with his mother and brother, who were actually Nazis. This is an amazingly detailed delusional construct and this young lad’s drug screen was negative and his family confirmed that he didn’t use drugs or abuse alcohol. He was happy to stay in hospital as he felt protected from those that were trying to kill him. While waiting to go to the psych ward we had to assess a young lady in the cubicle opposite to him who presented with mostly drug and social issues, and had her kids removed from her care. As you can imagine she made a lot of noise. When we took the Prince of Prussia to the ward I apologized for the ruckus and asked if he was ok. He said ‘I was kidnapped by Nazis when I was 7 but have my life more together than that lady!’ Because I stay in the ED I didn’t get to follow his progress on the ward but did hear that he repeatedly asked for the staff to call the Australian Embassy to confirm his story and get him out. Poor kid.” (crazy-cat-lady-1980)

Guy On Parole Gets Shot

Credits: People

I got called to the ER for a guy that had come in with gunshot wound. I got there and received a more detailed report and saw the guy had his testicle shot off and a bullet still in his foot. He claimed that he was just walking down the street and a couple guys just shot him out of nowhere. The police let us know he on parole and not allowed to have a gun.” (Mr_JGuy44)

Diabetic Lady Injects Herself With Chocolate Syrup

Credits: Troll.me

Surgeon in residency here but ill share one of my profesors stories: He was taking a break after a long surgery and ALL available doctors nedded to go to a room. A woman had filled her IV bag with chocolate syrup and was diabetic. She did not make it.

Edited I talked to him and he said it was a very small amount of chocolate milk that she had put in a syringe and injected into herself. Sorry for the misinformation.” (Metheredditdude)

Crazy Mom Story

Credits: Quickmeme

“Mother/Baby nurse here. Got in a patient about 45 minutes after delivery, an emergency c-section due to placental abruption. Ask her about what lead up to her coming to the hospital, and she says, “Oh I figured I was in labor, so I wanted to get all my coke gone before she came. Figured I wouldn’t have time after she was born.” I was equal parts horrified and confused.” (scthomassonrn)

Missing Patient Alert

Credits: Memegenerator

I was unconscious for this, but when I was in the ER they had to page for a patient multiple times that just got up and walked around. Only reason we knew is because the guy was described as wearing a yellow gown.

They also paged several others while I was there, and the whole thing just seemed highly entertaining. How do you lose that many patients?” (TypeOneAuthor)

Dead Rat In The Humidifier

Credits: XXL Mag

“I don’t work in the ER but rather a sleep medicine clinic. I had a patient come in complaining that his CPAP was giving him a rash around his mouth and bumps on his tongue. Rash? I’ve heard that before, very common. Bumps on the tongue? Never. He brought in his machine with him so I took a look at his mask, which seemed to be new. I discussed his hygienic care of the machine and he admitted he’s never washed out the humidifier or tubing as he doesn’t use the humidity setting so figured he didn’t need to. This could definitely cause some type of rash just from the pure funk that can grow. I open up the humidifier part (which he had taped black felt around for some aesthetic reason?) and out falls a DEAD STINKING RAT. I screamed like a little girl and a few nurses jumped into action and cleaned everything up.” (MrsCatWhiskers)

Muscle Cramp’s Wrong Timing

Credits: Imgflip

Patient is on the bed in obvious pain. I ask what’s wrong.

“I pulled a muscle while turning over.”

I tried so hard not to laugh. He sees my face. “Yeah, I know it’s sad.” (obsidiankitty)

Direction Manual To The Pretty Obvious

Credits: Imgflip

My dad was an Labor and delivery nurse and one time while helping deliver a baby the mom had a tattoo on her inner thigh that said pu$$y with an arrow pointing to her area. He wasn’t thinking and said I guess some guys need directions.” (SlickRick789)