Who knew a little face fuzz could transform someone so much? More
When you think of a makeover, you imagine it must take a lot of effort, skill and money. This isn't necessarily true. Some of the best makeovers happen purely out of laziness. Men stop shaving and that's it. Then, a few days to a few weeks later, magic happens. Sure, they have to care for and sculpt them, but beards have magical, transformative properties. Just look how this guy goes from so-so to stud. These guys are all taking beards to a new level.
On the left, we have a man who’s unsure of himself. He doesn’t know what he wants in life and even if he did, he’d be too afraid to ask for it. What could he do to improve his confidence and his quality of life? Well, on the right, we have a man who demands a side order of bacon and gets it, even when he’s getting his oil changed at Jiffy Lube. This is the potential power of beards.
On the left: "Gee, I sure hope the g-g-g-girls at school like me. I'm pretty shy and don't know if they'd want to come talk to me."
On the right: "Sorry, Sally, I don't have time to take you out on a date. I know you're a Brazilian bikini model with a degree in nuclear physics, but honestly, it's going to take a lot more than that to make it into my relationship rotation. Better luck with someone else."
This might be my favorite yet. When viewing these pics side by side, it looks like he’s longingly fantasizing about how great he’s eventually going to look. Don’t let your dreams stay just dreams, folks. Achieve them. And this isn’t a motivational post. Growing a beard is mostly about your lack of motivation. Get lazy. Stop shaving. Look at the wonders it can do for you. This is a de-motivationa post. Laziness is life, folks.
Gingers get made fun of a lot. The kid on the left looks like his smile is masking pain from years of bullying. “Can you go into the sun without bursting into flames? What SPF do you use? Can I connect your freckles with a marker, fire head?”
But on the right? Say something about him not having a soul. He dares you to do it to his glorious, obscured face. He won’t stand for it anymore.
He went from frat bro to Norse mythological figure. Maybe Thor isn’t a lord of lightning at all. Maybe his powers weren’t imbued by a deity. Maybe super powers come from having a glorious beard. At the very least, it makes you more attractive. Just look at this guy’s stunning transformation. He… he’s become so pretty. Is it weird I think he should put jewelry in his beard? Because, you know, that’s totally a thing.
This looks like a human Pokémon evolution. If you touch Mikey with a sexy stone, he transforms into Mikal. His attack, defense and most importantly, his piercing stare all receive a massive boost. Give them some rare candies and some beard oil, and they’ll be ready to tackle a Charizard with their bare hands in no time at all. Let that beard grow out, and they’ve officially entered legendary status. Don’t try to catch them, though. They deserve to be wild and free.
Seriously, not shaving can solve so much. On the left, he looks like an actor trying to convey sadness, but only looks confused. Sure, you may have been the best actor in your community college in Idaho, Steve, but that ain’t gonna cut it out here in Hollywood, Bucko. But add some chin and cheek scraggles? Making the exact same face on the right, you just want to hug this depressed, fancy lumberjack. He’s ready for his close-up now.
The guy on the right looks like he’d mock the guy on the left’s taste in music for being too mainstream. Of course, they’re both the same guy. Doesn’t matter. Having a beard makes you better than you used to be. Your taste in fashion, food and films are instantly treated with more respect. For some reason, having a beard tricks people into thinking you know what you’re talking about. Go ahead… use and abuse this power.
Your beard can say a lot about you. This is especially true when you consider it combined with your hair. Take this guy, for example. Figuratively, of course. Yes, he’s so achingly attractive you may feel the urge to kidnap him, but remember, that’s creepy. Also, super illegal. So what exactly does his hair and beard combo say? It says, “I am the king of Atlantis, and I will no longer tolerate talking to fish jokes.”
Want to know the secret to gaining ludicrous eight-pack abs? Grow a beard. I know, I didn’t believe it at first, but the proof is right here. The beard hairs must catch all the food going into your mouth and sort out all the bad stuff and keep only the good. Science should really explore this, because this guy proves something is up with this possible cause and effect. Pretty ironic how not shaving got him so cut.
Do you have a goofy, round face? Do people mock your boyish features? Are you still carded at R-rated movies even though you’ve been paying your taxes for nearly two decades, and darn it, should be able to see some blood and swearing without being condescended to? Then grow yourself a manly mandible mane and sculpt yourself the jawline you always knew you deserved. Now the only card people will ask from you is a Valentine’s card, you sexy stud.
As a teen, this is what I imagined would happen to me overnight after I kissed a girl for the first time. Just look at the confidence boost on display, here. From the top to the bottom of this guy’s head, all his hair shines like diamonds. Smugness is a quality most don’t appreciate in others. But that’s only because it never seems deserved. But this guy? He can be as cocky as he wants.
This series of images has convinced me no one should ever shave for any reason ever. Not even ladies. Beards can make you more confident and sexy, no matter your gender. All hail our new hairy future. Destroy all razors and make shaving cream illegal. Sure, it may make us a bit sweatier and a tad uncomfortable during the summer months, but the pros greatly outweigh the cons. Beards are officially what the world needs right now.