From the 1600s to 1700s, when people died on the battlefield, their bodies were often left to turn to compost and rot away, completing the Circle of Life and making Elton John proud as punch. Their skulls would start to grow a delicate moss called “usnea.”
People (re: utter fools) believed that this moss contained the spirit of these fallen soldiers and would gather it up to be used as medicine, believing, amongst many other incredibly ridiculous things, that it would cure nosebleeds.
In Tafjord, Norway in 1934 a rockslide down the mountain dropped a ton of boulders into the their lake.
The rocks were so huge and numerous that it triggered a 203 foot tsunami, killing 40 and injuring some 60 others. This tiny, one-road town took a massive beating because of some bloody rocks doing a cannonball or two.
In the 1950s, a meteor fell from the sky near Philly and so the Feds were called to check out the scene. They later reported finding purple goop oozing out of the space rock. To everyone’s chagrin, the meteor was seven blocks from the pet store which means no mutated rats or turtles to aid in the stopping of The Foot Clan.
Fun fact: this was the inspiration for the horror movie The Blob.
I’ll bet in college, after smoking a hot hooter or two under the bleachers, behind the quads, you’ve wondered to yourself “hmmmm, what did people do before cups and bowls?”
In ancient England, the answer was HUMAN SKULLS.
Way to go guys, easily the best solution to this problem.
Haunted Plague Island
A bunch of folks consider Poveglia, Italy to be the most haunted island in the world (take that, GHOST ISLAND, Nebraska). During the plague, the romans shipped off hundreds of thousands of sick fools there. So many bodies are buried that literally HALF of the soil is made of human bones.
This place is considered to be so haunted that it’s closed to the public and it’s bloody near impossible to commission a boat to go there.
According to Catholics, Purgatory is a joint where souls go so they can suffer for the sins they committed while they were still alive. All the dumb jabronis stuck in purgatory (or as we like to call them: purgabronis) can be prayed out by the living OR they can suffer through a ton of punishment(s) if they want to avoid going to hell, leading you to wonder how much worse they think hell is.
In Rome, there’s a museum that claims to have evidence of the purgabronis coming back to haunt all the fools left behind. One such item is a handprint burn mark believed to have belonged to a monk.
Man, if a monk can’t get into the big show, I’m going to have a lot of dry shaving my arse and early 2000s pop music to look forward to because this man needs to suffer.
In London, there are CCTV cameras damn near everywhere. In 2015, there was an estimated, astounding 422,000 cameras. Basically, the police want to catch every single crime on camera even if they can’t prevent it.
Good luck trying to pick and flick that booger. Pick a wedgie: WE GOT YOU. Check out a couple of butts: WE GOT YOU. Readjust your dingdong on a hot summer afternoon: YOU’D BETTER BELIEVE WE GOT YOU.
Frozen in Time
Madame Tussaud’s wax museum is world-famous for its lifelike figures of celebrities (and not quite celebrities – TRY HARDER, Taylor Lautner).
What most jabronis don’t know is that Mme. Tussaud got her start by stealing a butt-load of freshly severed heads (see item #27) from the guillotine during the French Revolution. She used these heads to perfect her waxing process but it gets worse when you find out how she perfected her “brazillian”.
Watch Your Back
Here’s some bad news for those of you not actively watching Unsolved Mysteries or America’s Most Wanted: there are roughly 50 serial killers in the continental US who haven’t yet been caught. That’s a whole lot of unchecked murderin’.
Til Death Do Us Part
Carl Tanzler, a German radiology technician, had fallen in love with a woman named Elena, one of his patients. You may think this sounds like the start of some delightful summer rom-com but you’d be wrong, DEAD WRONG.
When Elena died, he robbed her tomb and brought her corpse home.
He kept her for seven, SEVEN years as she rotted into hot garbage. The only reason he was caught is because someone saw him dancing with the corpse in front of an open window. Think “Weekend at Bernie’s” with less hilarity.