Sometimes reality can be stranger than fiction. Sometimes it can be out and out more terrifying too. If you love nightmares and losing your friggin’ mind right before trying to fall asleep, we highly endorse you reading this list at night.
Here are 35 times real life was scarier than fiction:
Who Are We Having For Dinner?
In the 1920s, William Seabrook, a writer, was obsessed with the idea of voodoo zombies that eat flesh BECAUSE HE, LIKE EVERYONE ELSE ON THIS LIST, IS A TOTALLY NORMAL PERSON.
So desperate was he to try the sweet delight of human flesh that he traveled to Western Africa, where he begged tribes to let him participate in cannibalism. When they denied him this “right”, he returned to the States, scheming and plotting ways to “crack open a cold one”.
He settled on smuggling a corpse out of the local morgue.
He was so stoked to finally try eating a “dude” that he hosted a dinner party, opting to serve human instead of hummus. No word on if anyone wanted seconds.
Doomed for Disfigurement
Joseph Merrick, dubbed The Elephant Man, suffered from Proteus syndrome, leaving him completely disfigured and led to him finding work as a freakshow attraction. Easy explanation: sufferers of this syndrome’s bones don’t stop growing, leading to a variety of deformities.
People are still born with Proteus syndrome today. Due to the gene not being hereditary there is no telling who will get it or why and, as such, no known way of preventing it.
I, for one, am grateful that the worst I’ll get is a little male-pattern baldness.
Life Flashing Before Your Eyes
On PlaneCrashInfo.com, a completely moral and awesome way to make money, you can actually listen to the voices of people, losing their friggin’ minds, right before they lose their lives in a plane crash.
Goodbye, Sea Life
If the thought of the entire planet getting sick and dying doesn’t freak you the freak out, it should – by 2050 there will more plastic in the ocean than fish. Literally all the Planeteers are wailing in agony.
Down to the Bone
The Seldec Ossuary, a church in the Czech Republic, is decorated in human bones. This came to be because shifty church leaders told parishioners (after the cemetery was full up) that if the bones became a part of the church, they would be closer to God.
I think Dolly Parton said it best when she stated: “The bigger the hair the closer to God the more corpse bones you have in a church the less likely you are to dry shave your arse in purgatory.”
What a Chatterbox
Just like dolls, ventriloquist dummies have become a trope in tons of horror movies.
If they creep you out, and they should because you are a normal, alive and normal, normal person, don’t go to the Ven Haven Museum in Fort Mitchell, Kentucky. It’s wall-to-wall vintage and antique dummies which, as everyone knows, is the creepiest slice of the dummy pie.
Horrible Protein Smoothies
In keeping with the rich tradition of consuming a bunch of dead dudes, alchemists in the 1600s decided it would be “cool” and “awesome for you” to mash up brains and other yummy organs from fallen soldiers and pound it down like a smoothie. BRO, DO YOU EVEN LIFT? YEAH? BRO, I HAVE JUST THE PROTEIN SMOOTHIE FOR YOU…
On an Indonesian island called Sulawesi, when a family member dies, they aren’t buried and given a traditional funeral. Instead they are mummified using formaldehyde (and not the cheap stuff either!) and water, which means the body won’t putrefy and smell awful – just like you’d do with a beloved family pet or a buck you shot and killed.
They are kept around as part of the family, the part of the family that has learned to shut the eff up at Thanksgiving.
These corpses are even dressed up and given meals, almost like totally normal life-sized dolls. They are called “makula”, which means “a sick person” because “Vomit Uncle” doesn’t have the same pleasant ring to it.
The body is kept in the house for months or even years until they decide to have a proper funeral.
Don’t Judge a Book by Its Cover
At Harvard University, there is a collection of books that are bound in human skin.
If you get a papercut, your soul is doomed and your body starts to wither away thanks to an old gypsy curse.
Speaking of tsunamis, the biggest one ever recorded was a devastating 1,720 feet tall and traveled as fast 100 MPH, ruining Lituya Bay in Alaska in 1958.
Scientific evidence shows that this area is likely to be hit with another tsunami eventually so get your friggin’ floaties, or, you know, DON’T LIVE THERE EVER.