34 Messed up Things About Ancient Rome


Ancient Rome was very messed up. I know this because I’ve personally been there. Yes, I can time travel but we’re getting off topic. The point is, you wouldn’t believe all the messed up stuff the Ancient Romans did okay? They did some pretty weird and gross things. I mean, c’mon guys. I bet If I were Ancient Roman I would have been a lot smarter and would have done less gross things.

Here’s 35 messed up stuff they did:


Delirious Delicacies


Flamingo tongues were considered a delicacy in Ancient Rome because, of course, they were. How was this discovery even made? Who sees a pink bird and then goes, “I wonder what their tongue tastes like?”. What’s the thought process there?


You’re Doin’ it Wrong!


We’ve been getting this poor dude’s name wrong forever – Julius Caesar should be pronounced “YOU-LEE-US  KEY-I-SIR. The only problem is that this sounds very stupid and I won’t do it.


Coffin Nailed


Listen, if you thought your parents were strict or you wanted to whine and moan about your dad getting you a purity ring, let me tell you, the “vestal virgins” of Ancient Rome had it WAY WORSE. They were required, by law, to not make hump and preserve their hymens as proof of virginity until they were 30 years old. If any of these virgins were even suspected to have engaged in sexual acts, they were buried alive.


Vice Versa

art special day

Ancient Romans celebrated a holiday called Saturnalia which, in addition to having an amazing name, was also a day where masters and slaves swapped spots. And you thought Secretary Appreciation Day was something special!


Live Fast, Die Young

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Life expectancy in Ancient Rome was NOT GOOD. Between death during childbirth, terrible infant mortality rates, and the lack of medicine to treat what are now nothing illnesses, the average life expectancy was 20 to 30 years. That means that by the 3rd grade you may be having a midlife crisis!


Bloodsports Ain’t Got Nothin’ on Racing

almanacco di roma

When people picture Ancient Rome, they think violence and blood and gladiators and Russell Crowe, but even more popular than the gladiators was chariot racing, which would often end in just as much chaos and bloodshed. For perspective, the Colosseum could house 50,000 Romans while the Circus Maximus (BEST NAME, EVER), home of the chariot races, could house 250,000!


Pee Problems


Here’s a great way to not make yourself more attractive to the opposite sex: wash your clothes in urine or EVEN BETTER/WORSE, brush your teeth with it.

But for whatever reason, this was something the Romans thought was a splendid idea. I guess they didn’t care about scoring a second date…


Salt Almighty


Ancient Greeks and Romans loved salt so much that it was often used as currency. What’s even crazier is that it was used to buy slaves. I would hate to be cleaning a horse stall with my fellow slaves and find out that I cost a pinch and a half but most of these other fools cost at least a shaker or two!


Exotic Animals


If you ever wondered how far-reaching the power of the Roman Empire was, wonder no more. In the 1st century AD, Romans flooded some of their amphitheaters to have an appropriate venue for their polar bears to fight their seals. Now just think how far from Rome both those types of animals are normally…


Picked Tongue


In 2012, a 2,000 year old Roman shipwreck was discovered by divers. This aquatic wreck was so well preserved that even the preserves were intact. No word on if they had any delicious flamingo tongue on board.