Dwad

30 Words with Surprising Origins

YouTube

If you’re like me then you’re probably all into using words to speak to make your point and order food at restaurants. Maybe you like to point and grunt like Roach from The People Under the Stairs (SHOUT OUT WES CRAVEN – RIP, BABY).

Words are cool and sometimes you’d like to learn where the words you use come from because it’s cool to learn stuff. The study of the origin of words is called etymology – there, now I’ve already learned you something – so that’s cool!

Here’s a list of 30 words with surprising origins:

 

1

Vodka

Urban Drinks

Vodka, the disgusting drink that your idiot friends try to convince you isn’t hairspray but you know it is because you’re smarter than they are, is Russian for “little water”. What’s the Russian word for “disgusting fire poison”?

2

Cloud

YouTube

In a bizarre and M Night Shamamamamama twist, the word “cloud” comes from the Old English word “clud” which means rock. This is very stupid.

3

Umpire

Sporting News

The word umpire (the baseball guy in the head cage and pyjama suit) used to be, I S#!T you not, NUMPIRE but the N got dropped in the early Middle Ages because dummies kept hearing A NUMPIRE as AN UMPIRE. Why not just correct these people instead of just giving up???? It’s not like I’m going to let some a-hole off the hook when he says “for all intensive purposes.”

4

Newt

YouTube

Conversely, the word newt used to be AN EUTE because WHAT THE WHAT GUYS JUST STOP LETTING THIS JUNK SLIDE.

5

Treadmill

Sole Fitness

Here’s something fun you can bring up at the gym TO IMPRESS ALL THE FITNESS LADIES: a treadmill used to be used for punishment – prisoners would have to walk/run on these mills in order to crush a butt-load of rocks. INSERT JOKE ABOUT TREADMILLS STILL BEING PUNISHMENT LOLOLOLOLOLOL

6

Disaster

YouTube

The word “disaster” comes from two different words in Greek: “Dis”, which means bad, and “Aster”, which means star. Hey Greeks, good for you inventing democracy. Also I’ve seen Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure and Socrates was a cool guy but for real, bad things don’t happen because of stars or the way planets line up or whatever. I MEAN COME ON GANG.

7

Mortgage

Mortgages Mortgages

Mortgage literally means DEATH WAGER in French which makes sense because I AM LITERALLY DROWNING UNDER THE TERRIBLE, CRUSHING DEBT OF OWNING A HOUSE. THIS IS A FOR REAL CRY FOR HELP.

8

Loophole

Natively Speaking Comics

The word “loophole”, your uncle’s favorite nickname for vagina, originally meant the little slits in castle walls where arrow dudes archers would shoot arrows through SO THAT THEY COULD MURDER PEOPLE WITH THEIR ARROWS.

 

9

Muscles

Innerbody

Here’s something that’s going to make you effing hate your disgusting body even more: the word “muscles” has a Latin root meaning “little mouse” because folks thought muscles looked like LITTLE MICE UNDER YOUR SKIN.

10

Pamphlet

Osha4less

The word “pamphlet” comes from the name of a Latin love poem called Pamphilus which was passed around from person to person and not from the Latin word Pampapam, which means BS idiots hand you outside of garbage strip malls trying to convince you to join their weirdo cults