29 Toy Failures
Kids don’t need toys. Put them outside and let them play with twigs and rocks. I’m not even joking. Kids have crazy imaginations. They make up all kinds of dumb crap to escape their boredom.
Parents, however, still insist on buying crap that their kids will be bored with by next week. Considering the sheer volume of products being produced to grab children’s attention, there’s bound to be a few botched toys that we can round up and laugh at.
And THAT’S WHAT WE DID! Buckle up and check out 29 toys that FAILED AT BEING TOYS:
“Hey, so I got an idea for a new toy! We’ll create a stuffed animal that looks super depressed so that our kids can reflect upon their lives and realize that maybe they don’t have it so bad in the end!!!” – Guy who pitches toy ideas at toy company.
“Let’s do it!” said the CEO of this stupid company.
Oh yeah dude, I loved this show growing up. It’s all about a starfish called Sponge Bob. Wait. That’s not it…. OH yeah!! He’s a spongy starfish. He has an evil friend called Patrick who is a sea cucumber and continuously plots to take over the world. Classic.
So much wrong with this. Are you worried about copyright infringement? ‘Cause if so, then I’d suggest that Special Man still looks exactly like Superman except with a Greek/Italian thing going on. Anybody else bothered by the off-center placement? #OCD
I Can't Handle This.
What. IS. THIS. ??????
DID YODA HAVE SEX WITH A KARATE FARMER AND MAKE THIS BEING?
I imagine this new Star Warsiors character to speak with a deep voice.
Kids Won't Know
C’mon dude. Let your kid have a life and play with these. They’ll never know that they’re kinky sex handcuffs. Plus the fuzziness will help with any irritation on the wrists. WIN/WIN
Blue Man Group
It’s a crossover with the Blue Man Group. HOGWARTS EDITION. (Yo what even is the Blue Man Group?)
I enjoy that they included training wheels for Harry’s broom just in case you didn’t want to lift it up and pretend that it’s FLYING!
Thirdly, why is the packaging so good compared to this piece of crap???
HAhA oh god. This is funny. Remember these types of water guns too? They always sucked so many balls. They would leak all over and it would run out after 3 squirts. Enjoy making Batman squirt out of his mouth, friends!
You get what you pay for. The packaging clearly outlines exactly what it is.
So don’t come crying to me when you get woken up at night and catch a glimpse of this awful thing in the shadow of your nightlight, Jimmy. You’re lucky I got you anything cause you’re just a terrible kid.
A good way to avoid this next time: Don’t make it a boy horse.
Problem solved. The kids will look underneath the horse and say, “Where is the penis?” and the parent will say, “It’s a girl horse, honey.” That would explain why it’s all smooth down there.
It’s not that hard. (That’s what she said.)
How Did This Even Happen?
How about you concentrate a little harder on your packaging PAW PATROL. I had to have the Nazi talk with my kid now. Thanks a lot.
Smother Me Elmo
“YOU TICKLED ME FOR THE LAST TIME B*TCH!”
HAHA. I like this toy. I’m gonna get one. This is a win, not a fail.
Go Home Barb, Ur DRUNK LOLZ
“HAHA OMG I’m like crazy hopped up on Molly right now” – Barbie
Parents: please refrain from purchasing dolls that encourage young impressionable children to use ecstasy, PCP, cocaine or any other popular illicit drugs. We here at DWADS take a strong stand in the war against drugs. JUST SAY NO.
It’s not gay cause they are facing forward and not each other. Probably check out non-dude related erotics stuff. This is a normal thing that all dudes do when they are bored and no one else is around.
A nose job gone wrong. THAT’S the kind of princess we need. A real princess with real problems. Good luck suing the doctor, lady.
This is a good metaphor for ME. On the outside, I’m good looking and appear to be nice, but when you peel back the layers, you find out that I’m a sh*tty person.
“WOAH. I Didn’t know that we were extinct mannn… woah” – Super High Dino (with the voice of LEO from That 70’s show)
Did you know that koalas are basically baked 24/7? Look it up, I’m for real.
Better Front Than Back
Better front than the back is what I say. But yeah, they could have handled this better. The thing about kids is that their innocence will shield them from the hilariousness while Dad attempts to blow hot air into this thing.
Hey Dora, looks like you have explored so much that you discovered DIABETES. Our society has also explored and found a cure
The cure is to LAY OFF THE CHURROS.
Poo Bear Has Seen Things
Sometimes, you go about your life and nothing too crazy happens and then you die. BUT sometimes you SEE things. Things that change you. Forever.
POO bear has SEEN things. Things that he cannot UNSEE. Still trying to put on a brave face though. Good for you, champ!
HAHA thank god I don’t have kids and hardly know who this character is. But since I don’t live under a rock, I know enough to know that this monstrosity should not have been made.
Sipderman's Butt Tissue
Not a toy, but I can imagine a prankster giving this to his teacher as a present and laughing for the next year. Kleenex lasts a long time.
K guys. Real talk here. What’s up with the poo and poo emoji fascination? Last time I checked we don’t live in Japan.
I once saw a kid win one of these at the carnival and the gentleman handing the kid the prize offered two poo emoji colors to choose from. Regular or “Spicy brown”. The kid chose the “spicy brown” version.
NOPE. NOPE. NOPE.
I recently got a bird and all the perches look exactly like this (alien penises). I bet it all comes from the same factory. Pretty cool huh?
HIHIHIHIHI. Sex is funny. Sex with a horse, however, is not funny and I SHOULD KNOW (long story).
Stay away from that horse, young prince. One wrong move and you gonna get kicked so hard you be dead.
The interesting thing here is that only one of those 4 characters displayed on the box are actually space-related. It would have been much more coherent for the copyright infringers to name this COWBOYS. ANYTHING but space would have worked.
Finding Nemo..... a new brain?
NOW I know why Nemo got lost. He was…. different.
Spoiler alert: He and Dory were actually part of the same “class” in school. The one that gets to graduate high school and get a high school diploma even though… you know… they didn’t really pass anything.
I think the idea of this game is that you put the ball in the bear’s mouth and press the stomach and the ball pops out. They are obviously good-hearted people designing these and they don’t know how my sick mind would perceive this. It’s not their fault.
However, if you want to make something pop out of something, get a Yoplait yogurt bottle, open cap halfway and STOMP DAT SHHH*******T. It’s gonna go flying and you’ll have the time of your life.
“Dad, what are they doing? This looks like the game you play with mommy and you told me not to tell anyone. Except there are 4 players in this game.”
“Son. The dinosaurs are having sex. It’s normal. Also, you’re 15. You should know what sex is by now.”
Do Not Use This.
Yeah, this MUST be an inside joke. A boardroom, full of ex-frat guys scratching their heads wondering what kind of dumb product they can pitch, came up with this just for the hell of it and to see if it would pass. GUESS WHAT. WE NOTICED AND IT’S ICKY GUYS.