Dwad

28 Worst Lines in Rap

1

Jay-Z – IT’S HOT

xxl mag

“Thirty-eight revolve like the sun round the Earth.”

My man, COME ON NOW. Jay-Z is still on the geocentric model. WHAT ABOUT COPERNICUS, Jay-Z????????!?!?!!!!!

2

Prodigy – CLICK CLACK

YouTube

“It’s like fee, fie, foe, fum, I smell the blood of a jealous a$$ punk.”

Never in my life did I expect one half of Mobb Deep to be quoting jack and the friggin’ beanstalk. Dude can’t even follow a consistent metrical foot. I MEAN COME ON.

3

Mase – CAN’T NOBODY HOLD ME DOWN

HotNewHipHop

“Young, black, and famous, with money hanging out the anus.”

Mase, THAT’S NOT WHAT YOU DO WITH MONEY. Also, I hope to sweet bearded Jesus that you’re talking about bills and not small change.

4

Rick Ross – BLK & WHT

HotNewHipHop

“Trayvon Martin, I’m never missing my target.”

OH MY GOD, RICK ROSS THIS IS DECIDEDLY NOT COOL AT ALL. THIS IS JUST THE LEAST COOL THING IN THE HISTORY OF RICK ROSS.

5

Lil’ Fame – HALF AND HALF

HipHopDX

“First family will gradually lift that a$$ up like gravity.”

Listen, I like M.O.P. as much as the next dude but THIS IS NOT HOW GRAVITY WORKS. Isaac Newton will slap a motherf!$#3&.

6

Master P – DO YOU KNOW

npr

“If you don’t bring back my m****f*****n money or my m***f****n dope, you can forget about Christmas n***a, cause you ain’t gon even see New Years.”

Master P, you are rich as hell and can most likely afford to procure several calendars for yourself. I would ask that you gain access to a calendar, flip to the month of December, and then assess which comes first, Christmas or New Years’. I MEAN COME ON, MAN.

7

Project Pat – BALLERS

Wealtholino

“I’m hungry for cheese like Hungry, Hungry Hippo.”

WRONG-O, PAL. NOOOOO. Seriously dude, this is incorrect. They eat MARBLES and there’s more than one hippo. If there was only one hippo it would literally be the most boring game ever.

8

Cam’Rom – 5 BOROUGHS

Dazed

“Sometime y’all get crimey crimey, grimy grimy But those with a tiny hiney they get whiny whiny.”

On occasion you get involved in criminal activities and most likely get filthy in the process BUT if you have a small derrière, you will probably complain a lot BECAUSE OF COURSE THIS MAKES SENSE.

9

Ice Cube – WE BE CLUBBIN

pitchfork

“On our way to the Marriott keep ’em very hot/Westside hittin’ hairy cock all night long”

This line makes me laugh so hard. Sure the word cock in West Coast slang can also mean vagina but this line is so filthy that you will get pregnant just reading it. It’s so insane and I cannot stop laughing. This will 100% be on my tombstone.

10

Jay-Z – GLORY

pitchfork

“You’re a child of destiny/You’re the child of my destiny/You’re my child with the child from Destiny’s Child”

I’m sorry? WHAT? This is both insane and also hints at incest which is TOTALLY NOT COOL.

11

Dr. Dre – NUTHIN’ BUT A “G” THANG

dr. dre

“Never let me slip, cause if I slip, then I’m slippin.”

I mean yes, that’s totally accurate but sort of obvious, no?

12

Canibus – FUNK MASTER FLEX FREESTYLE

DJBooth

“I can double my density from three-sixty degrees to seven-twenty instantly.”

This math is complete bologna. Also this is stupid and doesn’t make any gosh dang sense at all. This is patently stupid and I do not like it at all.

13

Timbaland – GET ON THE BUS

variety

“There’s no need to lie folk, Why you sleepin’ wit ya eyes closed?”

BECAUSE THAT’S HOW PEOPLE SLEEP, YOU SILLY WEIRDO.

14

Drake – POP STYLE

The Ringer

“Got so many chains they call me Chaining Tatum”

Who is the “they”? Are these people your friends? Buddy, you need to get yourself some new friends. This is pure nonsense.

15

Kool G Rap – F**K U MAN

allmusic

“I’ll go to a Chinese restaurant, b***h, if I wanna eat cats”

Why does Kool G Rap buy into some racist nonsense? ALSO WHY DOES HE SAY HE WOULD EAT CATS?!?!

16

Common – GET EM HIGH

imdb

“Real rappers are hard to find, like a remote…control – rap is out of”

Common is the horse crap yoda of rap, apparently.

17

Guru – DWYCK

wikipedia

“Lemonade was a popular drink and it still is”

I don’t even know what to make of this line other than it is totally accurate and the fact that it’s stated so totally plainly makes this all the more ridiculous.  

18

Ghostface Killah – 4TH CHAMBER

Rolling Stone

“Why is the sky blue? Why is water wet?”

It’s not like these are some unknowable mysteries of the universe here. I mean, you can literally go to any high school or public library and get this information. I MEAN, COME ON.

19

Nicki Minaj – YOUR LOVE

YouTube

“When I was a geisha he was a samurai/Somehow I understood him when he spoke Thai”

COME ON. Samurais and geishas are part of Japanese culture where THEY SPEAK JAPANESE AND NOT THAI I MEAN WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING HERE NICKI? I MEAN COME ON NOW!

20

Jay-Z – 30 SOMETHING

BET

“Y’all go to parties to ice grill/I go to parties to party with nice girls”

THIS DOESN’T EVEN RHYME COME ON MAN. ALSO, MOST PEOPLE LIKE TO PARTY WITH NICE GIRLS. 

21

Lil’ Wayne – A MILLI

pitchfork

“I’m a venereal disease like a menstrual bleed”

I MEAN, WHAT??? COME ON MAN OMG. Did you learn about the human body from that plastic surgeon who put cement in women’s butts? HOW DO YOU NOT KNOW HOW A LADY’S BODY WORKS?!?!?

22

Greg Nice (Nice & Smooth) – FUNKY FOR YOU

twitter

“Dizzy Gillespie plays a sax/Me, myself, I love to max”

Not only is this some straight up corny nonsense but DIZZY GILLESPIE PLAYED THE TRUMPET, YOU A-HOLE.

23

Master P – BACK OFF ME

twitter

“Got n****$ duckin’ they heads like they ostriches. N**** you want sausages?”

I’M SORRY, WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!  This is like when you’re in high school and the teacher says you have five minutes left to finish your final exam and so you literally just circle whatever and write down any gibberish just so you can feel like, ok at least I finished.

24

Young Buck – BANG BANG

HipHopDX

“Just think if I ain’t empty the clip, and he killed me, would I still be living?”

No. BECAUSE MURDER ENDS WITH YOU BEING DEAD. THAT’S HOW MURDERING WORKS.

25

Juelz Santana – BLACK REPUBLICAN

HipHopDX

“Rock star, flier than an ostrich.”

GOOD GOD MAN, AN OSTRICH IS A FLIGHTLESS BIRD. YOU LITERALLY COULD HAVE NAMED DOZENS UPON DOZENS UPON DOZENS OF OTHER BIRDS. LIKE JUST ABOUT ANYTHING.

26

J. Cole – DOLLAR AND A DREAM III

Consequence of Sound

“I let you feel like the s**t, boy you can’t outfart me.”

Maybe eat less beans? Legumes tend to be hard to digest, which is why I always make my chili sans-beans. Also, why are you bragging about this? I don’t understand why this would be a point of pride for you.

27

Chingy – BALLER BABY

wikipedia

“I like them black, white, Puerto Rican or Haitian. Like Japanese, Chinese, or even Asian.”

For the love of sweet fancy Jesus can some GET THIS MAN A FRIGGIN’ MAP. WHAT? I MEAN, COME ON.

28

Eminem – LOVE THE WAY YOU LIE

Famous Biographies

“Now you have to watch her leave out the window, guess that why they call it windowpane.”

OH MAN. COME ON. THIS IS THE CORNIEST JUNK EVER. IT’S NOT EVEN CLEVER. I MEAN WHATEVER IS EVEN THIS THING? OH COME ON NOW, THIS IS A1 NONSENSE.