We previously mentioned that you could try pretending to be sick. Not all of us are good at acting. What you can do is actually get sick. This could result in MANY days off from work – which is great! You can get sick by eati food that has gone bad or licking public benches. You figure it out.
Pick your favorite swear word. Stand up and say it loud and proud. Keep saying it. Louder and LOUDER. EVENTUALLY (it could take a little while) you will be escorted out of the building. So simple, right?
Do you have kids? Yes? Perfect!
Schedule your kids to come in when you want to leave and make sure they are well scripted and rehearsed. They should come in and say, “Please Daddy, why don’t you have time for us anymore?” so that everyone can hear and see.
Your coworkers will feel bad and convince your boss that you should be allowed to leave.
Ever been on a bad Tinder date? Good thing you had that backup friend who you could text and they would call you with a fake emergency. You had no choice but to pick up the phone and learn of this shocking news and be forced to leave early.
This can be directly applied to your work situations. GOOD LUCK!
“I have lady problems and I need to leave!”
BOOM. You can leave. No questions asked.
“I have man problems and I need to leave!”
Not as effective.
We aren’t psychopaths here so we aren’t going to suggest that you fake the death of a PERSON. But how about a cat? That’s believable, right?
The false death of a family pet is less of a moral issue and it’s guaranteed to work.
Sometimes you gotta think outside the box. What if you got everyone in your office to gang up on your boss and convince him to let all of y’alls leave work early for happy hour.
It’ll be like when you were kids and you’d try to convince your parents to go to a restaurant and we know they always caved.
“Hey guys, someone broke into my house. I have to leave and assess the damage and fill out the police reports.”
Who in their right mind would question that? Unless you said it last week, you’re good.
OH DANG! You forgot that today is a very special holiday in your religion (please see our article about Satanists).
If your boss doesn’t let you leave, he’s got a lawsuit on his hands and FOX News will be all over that.
You’ll need an accomplice for this one. Someone you trust.
You both have a meeting together to discuss the reports or whatever BS you do at your work. BUT. There IS NO MEETING. You split up and enjoy your tub and a glass of wine.