20 Greatest Celeb Feuds to Tell Your Mom About
Celebrities are just like us in that they too have petty, BS arguments, about petty BS things, only when they do it, it’s on a MUCH MUCH larger stage, meaning that everyone gets to see how childish and silly they can be. Here’s a list of 20 celeb fights that will make you feel much better about that time you accused Janet from marketing for stealing your butterscotch pudding (you were wrong, btw – you didn’t even pack one that morning, you big dope).
Kanye West VS Taylor Swift
This is the “IMMA LET YOU FINISH” heard ’round the world and the beginning of diva-era Kanye West. West famously interrupted Swift’s “Aww shucks, you guys, you like me? Well you didn’t have to go to all this trouble and give me this award” A1 horse plop acceptance speech for Best Female Video at the MTV VMAs just to extoll the myriad wonderful things about Beyonce’s Single Ladies video.
The two have been sniping at each other off and on ever since in a way that your crotchety aunt’s deepest groan and hardest eye roll can do justice.
Paula Deen VS Anthony Bourdain
Anthony Bourdain, the CHARLES FRIGGIN’ BRONSON of the food world, and Paula Deen, a sweaty human woman, do not like each other – something Bourdain has made clear, much to my great delight.
In addition to Deen making notoriously racist comments, she’s also prone to lying, putting people’s health at risk. Famous for making nonsense like Twinkie cakes, Deen admitted she suffers from type 2 Diabetes, years after being diagnosed, all the while peddling food that WILL ABSOLUTELY GIVE YOU FRIGGIN’ DIABETES. In an effort to be more deplorable, she signed on to be a spokeswoman for Diabetes medication, to which Bourdain remarked: “Thinking of getting into the leg-breaking business, so I can profitably sell crutches later.”
Biggie Smalls VS Tupac Shakur
If you liked rap in the ’90s you may have been pressured by your idiot peers into picking East Coast or West Coast. This feud saw Bad Boy Records stars butt heads with Death Row Records talent and ENDED UP WITH Biggie Smalls and Tupac Shakur GETTING STRAIGHT UP MURDERED IN THE STREETS. Yeah cool, you were talented and all that and had passion and loved to represent your “scene” or whatever but YOU GOT MURDERED WHICH SUCKS AND IS A BUMMER.
Trump VS O'Donnell
Well here’s a fun one about the FRIGGIN’ PRESIDENT and one of the stars of the GREATEST FRIGGIN’ BASEBALL MOVIE OF ALL TIME: A League of Their Own. O’Donnell was apparently bummed out that Trump didn’t fire Miss USA Tara Conner following revelations about substance abuse, because O’Donnell is obviously qualified to make such statements and of course knows what she’s talking about. Trump, a bastion of common sense and reasonable responses, retorted, calling her a “real loser” and a “pig” – a totally normal way to handle mild criticism.
Luckily for her, Trump has moved on to fighting with other things – like the truth and decency.
Taylor Swift VS Katy Perry
Taylor Swift, evil mastermind, and vaguely sexier than mayonnaise, apparently wrote her 2014 hit jam about Katy Perry, insert no joke here because PERRY IS A RADIANT BEAM OF WARM SUNSHINE DIPPED IN CINNAMON HEARTS DIPPED IN HOT CHOCOLATE DIPPED IN FINDING OUT YOUR CRUSH ALSO HAS A CRUSH ON YOU.
Word on the street is that Perry successfully pilfered a few of Swift’s back up dancers mid-tour to join her in her upcoming live show. In all fairness though, this is a total mean girl move.
Martha Stewart VS Gwyneth Paltrow
Jailbird and pumpkin pie incense advocate Martha Stewart evidently has zero love for casual user of $15,000 vibrators (recommended via Goop), Gwyneth Paltrow.
Stewart was miffed that Paltrow was trying to nudge her way into the “lifestyle space” (ugh. “lifestyle space” vomit vomit vomit) and told her to “be quiet” and more or less stay in her lane. Paltrow’s Goop website for peeps with more money than sense (see: $15,000 vibrator) later posted a recipe for “jailbird cake” which is seemingly a jab at Stewart’s time in the big house, the pokey, the slammer, etc.
This whole thing is stupid. The “lifestyle space” is dumb. People make no sense at all.
Jon Voight VS Angelina Jolie
There’s always room on the list for a little father/daughter feud. Jon Voight made a baby and that baby was Angelina Jolie. He then abandoned his family presumably to pursue his dream of wearing dumbass scarves to every possible event BECAUSE OF COURSE SCARVES AND BEING A HORSE CRAP DAD ARE AWESOME TRADEMARKS. Needless to say, SHE WAS NOT STOKED.
The two have been at odds to varying degrees of menace ever since (in spite of Brad Pitt’s best efforts to broker a peace treaty between them).
Paris Hilton VS Kim Kardashian
Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian were once the best of friends but now they aren’t which is WHO CARES ABOUT THESE TWO? THEY HAD SOME ARGUMENT ABOUT PARIS SAYING KIM’S BUTT WAS COTTAGE CHEESE IN A TRASH BAG WHICH IS 100% AN AMAZING BURN AND KIM DIDN’T LIKE IT OR SOMETHING BUT WHO CARES BECAUSE THESE TWO SHOULD NOT BE FAMOUS JUST BECAUSE THEY EXIST. SURE JON VOIGHT SUCKED AT FATHERHOOD BUT THE MAN HAS TALENT. THIS LIST IS LITERALLY MADE WORSE BECAUSE THESE TWO ARE ON IT. OH MY GOD, I CAN’T STOP YELLING!
Axl Rose VS Tommy Hilfiger
My fave beef on this list makes no sense but it makes me glad I live in a world where this is a real thing that has happened. Axl Rose, a product of Guy Fieri making a baby with a moldy pudding pop, and Tommy Hilfiger apparently got into some junk over a moved drink. Short version: Rose moved Hilfiger’s girlfriend’s drink, Hilfiger lost his friggin’ mind and threw a punch, and set a mini-brawl in motion. Here’s what makes this story even better, KID ROCK APPARENTLY CORROBORATES THE ENTIRE THING BECAUSE OF COURSE A BRAWL BETWEEN THESE TWO DING DONGS WOULD BE WITNESSED BY NONE OTHER THAN KID FRIGGIN’ ROCK.
Joan Crawford VS Bette Davis
Here’s a feud over a dude that is also the story behind the show Feud but not related to Family Feud, with or w/o Steve Harvey.
Joan Crawford and Bette Davis HATED each other both during and after the filming of What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?. They apparently had beef over some dummy named Franchot Tone (a stupid name, for sure). Davis was into this dude but so was Crawford and Crawford seduced him and Davis was bummed and got more bummed when Tone and Crawford got married and then did not get unbummed when they divorced.
This feud lasted forever and when Crawford died, Davis is quoted as saying: “You should never say bad things about the dead, only good…Joan Crawford is dead. Good.”
FRIGGIN’ ICE COLD.
Donald Trump VS Megyn Kelly
Donald Trump, president and obviously a professor of women’s anatomy, finds himself on this list for a second time, this time feuding with bigoted mannequin and woman who hasn’t pooped in four weeks, Megyn Kelly. She apparently had the supreme nerve to ask someone who thinks they’re qualified to RUN THE MOST POWERFUL NATION ON THE PLANET (no offense, Wakanda) about his comments re: women and he totally normally LOST HIS FRIGGIN’ MIND. He went on a tirade about her, stating that “you could see there was blood coming out of her eyes, blood coming out of her wherever.” BECAUSE THIS IS A NORMAL REACTION.
Richard Gere VS Sylvester Stallone
Rocky himself, Sly Stallone and Richard Gere, a man who I would not be shocked to learn has paid prostitutes to fart on him while he eats a chicken pot pie, clashed so badly that Gere’s role in the 1974 film The Lords of Flatbush had to be recast.
Shonda Rhimes VS Katherine Heigl
Shonda “EVERYTHING I MAKE IS GOLD” Rhimes was a little let down when Katherine “EVERYTHING I MAKE TURNS INTO THE CRAMPS YOU GET FROM EATING TOO MUCH YOGOURT” Heigl turned down her 2008 Emmy nomination because “I did not feel that I was given the material this season to warrant an Emmy nomination and in an effort to maintain the integrity of the academy organization, I withdrew my name from contention.” That’s like a child saying “I’m sorry, I can’t accept your nomination for best bird house, in spite of all the nails and BS sticking out everywhere that WILL FOR SURE MURDER A BIRD, because it’s made out of oak and not Brazilian walnut.”
Frank Sinatra VS Sinead O’Connor
Here’s a fun one I didn’t know about and one that makes me give even less of a crap than I do about either of them and SHUT UP WITH YOUR OH BUT IT’S SINATRA – YOU ONLY LIKE SINATRA BECAUSE YOU THINK YOU’RE SUPPOSED TO OR BECAUSE YOU’RE AN A1 WINNER WHO WEARS A FEDORA.
Now having said that, Sinead O’Connor “has a policy of not having national anthems played before my concerts in any country, including my own, because they have nothing to do with music in general” but apparently has no issue with selling beer or hot dogs (MAKES SENSE, BRO), and Frank Sinatra is a FRIGGIN’ PATRIOT and DOES NOT LIKE NOT SINGING THE ANTHEM OF THE GREATEST NATION EVER IN HISTORY. He played a venue in NJ one night after Sinead had refused to have the anthem played and told his audience that “I’d like to kick her ass!” because HITTING WOMEN IS COOL AND MAKES YOU MORE OF A PATRIOT.
Good job all around, team.
Debbie Reynolds VS Elizabeth Taylor
Debbie Reynolds and Elizabeth Taylor started out as great friends but things got a little dicey when Taylor’s hubby Mike Todd, the man with two first names, died in a plane crash in 1958. Eddie Fisher, Reynold’s husband, visited Taylor with the hopes of consoling her but ultimately led to them having an affair BECAUSE EVERYONE KNOWS THAT NOTHING MAKES PEOPLE HORNIER THAN TRAGIC PLANE CRASH DEATH. COME ON GUYS, EVERYONE KNOWS IT MAKES ALL THE BONERS.
David Letterman VS Jay Leno
When Johnny Carson announced he was leaving The Tonight Show in 1992, everyone FOOLISHLY assumed David Letterman would be the replacement because he also had a show on NBC at the time. Jay Leno had, on multiple occasions, filled in for Carson over the years. Letterman was rumored to be Carson’s pick while Leno was the network’s. In the end, Leno got the job and Letterman evidently never got over it because OF COURSE LENO SHOULD TURN DOWN A JOB JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE ELSE WANTS IT BECAUSE THAT’S ALWAYS HOW THINGS WORK, TOTALLY MAKES SENSE TO BE BITTER ABOUT IT LITERALLY DECADES LATER, IN SPITE OF YOU GETTING ANOTHER SHOW ON A COMPETING NETWORK.
Mariah Carey VS Nicki Minaj
SO HERE’S SOMETHING THAT SHOULD NOT BE A SURPRISE TO ANYONE EVER: apparently, Mariah Carey and Nicki Minaj don’t like each and didn’t get along at all on their one-season stint of American Idol. Oh, no duh. Two of the biggest divas on the planet didn’t get along? WHAT ARE YOU EVEN SAYING? OMG, HOW IS THIS POSSIBLE? HOW DID THIS HAPPEN?!?!?!?!?!
No, but for real, how did you not think that these two weren’t going to turn the entire season of this terrible show into some kind of weird dramatic showcase of themselves.
Janet Hubert-Whitten VS Will Smith
You’ll be forgiven for not knowing who Janet Hubert-Whitten is BECAUSE MY GIRL DAPHNE MAXWELL REID KILLED IT AS THE SECOND AND OBVIOUSLY BEST EVER AUNT VIV ON THE FRESH PRINCE. Hubert-Whitten got axed after getting into some junk with Will Smith, a star so huge that the world collectively agreed to rename the millennium THE WILLENIUM. The show is named after him, GOSH DARNIT. YOU DON’T CROSS THE BOSS. There’s a reason there was a second Uncle Phil (SHOUT OUT JAMES AVERY, AKA SHREDDER, AKA UNCREDITED MAN DANCING IN THE BLUES BROTHERS).
Kanye West VS Jay-Z
Kanye West has no issue biting the hand that feeds him. West, not secure in his knowledge that LITERALLY EVERYONE THINKS HE’S AN INSANE DIVA, lashed out at Jay-Z, the dude that gave him a career, by stopping a 2016 show specifically to rant about him. If just about anyone else stopped in the middle of their workday to rant about a former colleague as loudly as possible, they’d get fired on the spot, I DON’T CARE IF YOU THINK JANET STOLE YOUR GOD DANG BUTTERSCOTCH PUDDING OR NOT.
Elton John VS Madonna
Ok, so I thought that the Carey v. Minaj was the battle for Queen of the Divas but it turns out that there was one feud that had them beat: Elton John vs. Madonna. During an interview with ’90s hold-over-who-still-has-a-job-in-spite-of-the-world-figuring-out-he-has-the-personality-of-an-auto-dialer, Carson Daily, Elton John stated that Madonna “didn’t have a effing change of winning” best original song at the 2012 Golden Globes BUT THEN, OMG, SHE WON, STRENGTHENING HER RESOLVE AND BOLSTERING HER EGO, AND OMG THIS IS MAKING HER STRONG, THE WORLD IS CRUEL AND MEAN.