Celebrities are just like us in that they too have petty, BS arguments, about petty BS things, only when they do it, it’s on a MUCH MUCH larger stage, meaning that everyone gets to see how childish and silly they can be. Here’s a list of 20 celeb fights that will make you feel much better about that time you accused Janet from marketing for stealing your butterscotch pudding (you were wrong, btw – you didn’t even pack one that morning, you big dope).
This is the “IMMA LET YOU FINISH” heard ’round the world and the beginning of diva-era Kanye West. West famously interrupted Swift’s “Aww shucks, you guys, you like me? Well you didn’t have to go to all this trouble and give me this award” A1 horse plop acceptance speech for Best Female Video at the MTV VMAs just to extoll the myriad wonderful things about Beyonce’s Single Ladies video.
The two have been sniping at each other off and on ever since in a way that your crotchety aunt’s deepest groan and hardest eye roll can do justice.
Anthony Bourdain, the CHARLES FRIGGIN’ BRONSON of the food world, and Paula Deen, a sweaty human woman, do not like each other – something Bourdain has made clear, much to my great delight.
In addition to Deen making notoriously racist comments, she’s also prone to lying, putting people’s health at risk. Famous for making nonsense like Twinkie cakes, Deen admitted she suffers from type 2 Diabetes, years after being diagnosed, all the while peddling food that WILL ABSOLUTELY GIVE YOU FRIGGIN’ DIABETES. In an effort to be more deplorable, she signed on to be a spokeswoman for Diabetes medication, to which Bourdain remarked: “Thinking of getting into the leg-breaking business, so I can profitably sell crutches later.”
If you liked rap in the ’90s you may have been pressured by your idiot peers into picking East Coast or West Coast. This feud saw Bad Boy Records stars butt heads with Death Row Records talent and ENDED UP WITH Biggie Smalls and Tupac Shakur GETTING STRAIGHT UP MURDERED IN THE STREETS. Yeah cool, you were talented and all that and had passion and loved to represent your “scene” or whatever but YOU GOT MURDERED WHICH SUCKS AND IS A BUMMER.
Well here’s a fun one about the FRIGGIN’ PRESIDENT and one of the stars of the GREATEST FRIGGIN’ BASEBALL MOVIE OF ALL TIME: A League of Their Own. O’Donnell was apparently bummed out that Trump didn’t fire Miss USA Tara Conner following revelations about substance abuse, because O’Donnell is obviously qualified to make such statements and of course knows what she’s talking about. Trump, a bastion of common sense and reasonable responses, retorted, calling her a “real loser” and a “pig” – a totally normal way to handle mild criticism.
Luckily for her, Trump has moved on to fighting with other things – like the truth and decency.
Taylor Swift, evil mastermind, and vaguely sexier than mayonnaise, apparently wrote her 2014 hit jam about Katy Perry, insert no joke here because PERRY IS A RADIANT BEAM OF WARM SUNSHINE DIPPED IN CINNAMON HEARTS DIPPED IN HOT CHOCOLATE DIPPED IN FINDING OUT YOUR CRUSH ALSO HAS A CRUSH ON YOU.
Word on the street is that Perry successfully pilfered a few of Swift’s back up dancers mid-tour to join her in her upcoming live show. In all fairness though, this is a total mean girl move.
Jailbird and pumpkin pie incense advocate Martha Stewart evidently has zero love for casual user of $15,000 vibrators (recommended via Goop), Gwyneth Paltrow.
Stewart was miffed that Paltrow was trying to nudge her way into the “lifestyle space” (ugh. “lifestyle space” vomit vomit vomit) and told her to “be quiet” and more or less stay in her lane. Paltrow’s Goop website for peeps with more money than sense (see: $15,000 vibrator) later posted a recipe for “jailbird cake” which is seemingly a jab at Stewart’s time in the big house, the pokey, the slammer, etc.
This whole thing is stupid. The “lifestyle space” is dumb. People make no sense at all.
There’s always room on the list for a little father/daughter feud. Jon Voight made a baby and that baby was Angelina Jolie. He then abandoned his family presumably to pursue his dream of wearing dumbass scarves to every possible event BECAUSE OF COURSE SCARVES AND BEING A HORSE CRAP DAD ARE AWESOME TRADEMARKS. Needless to say, SHE WAS NOT STOKED.
The two have been at odds to varying degrees of menace ever since (in spite of Brad Pitt’s best efforts to broker a peace treaty between them).
Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian were once the best of friends but now they aren’t which is WHO CARES ABOUT THESE TWO? THEY HAD SOME ARGUMENT ABOUT PARIS SAYING KIM’S BUTT WAS COTTAGE CHEESE IN A TRASH BAG WHICH IS 100% AN AMAZING BURN AND KIM DIDN’T LIKE IT OR SOMETHING BUT WHO CARES BECAUSE THESE TWO SHOULD NOT BE FAMOUS JUST BECAUSE THEY EXIST. SURE JON VOIGHT SUCKED AT FATHERHOOD BUT THE MAN HAS TALENT. THIS LIST IS LITERALLY MADE WORSE BECAUSE THESE TWO ARE ON IT. OH MY GOD, I CAN’T STOP YELLING!
My fave beef on this list makes no sense but it makes me glad I live in a world where this is a real thing that has happened. Axl Rose, a product of Guy Fieri making a baby with a moldy pudding pop, and Tommy Hilfiger apparently got into some junk over a moved drink. Short version: Rose moved Hilfiger’s girlfriend’s drink, Hilfiger lost his friggin’ mind and threw a punch, and set a mini-brawl in motion. Here’s what makes this story even better, KID ROCK APPARENTLY CORROBORATES THE ENTIRE THING BECAUSE OF COURSE A BRAWL BETWEEN THESE TWO DING DONGS WOULD BE WITNESSED BY NONE OTHER THAN KID FRIGGIN’ ROCK.
Here’s a feud over a dude that is also the story behind the show Feud but not related to Family Feud, with or w/o Steve Harvey.
Joan Crawford and Bette Davis HATED each other both during and after the filming of What Ever Happened to Baby Jane?. They apparently had beef over some dummy named Franchot Tone (a stupid name, for sure). Davis was into this dude but so was Crawford and Crawford seduced him and Davis was bummed and got more bummed when Tone and Crawford got married and then did not get unbummed when they divorced.
This feud lasted forever and when Crawford died, Davis is quoted as saying: “You should never say bad things about the dead, only good…Joan Crawford is dead. Good.”
FRIGGIN’ ICE COLD.