What are we looking at here? More
We have all seen plenty of photos on the internet that made us do a double take, even triple take. A lot of them will make you question, “How is that even possible?” A lot of them will make you realize that there are many things in this world that look like a guy’s junk. This photo is one of them. This girl looks like she got herself a tall drink order. If she does finish that, she will certainly be drunk … in love.
The sad thing is that I’ve actually woken up to a hairy deformed man in my bed. Unfortunately for me, it didn’t turn out to be an adorable doggo. I just have to make better and more sober choices in my life. Or I should at least stop drinking so close to the full moon in a creepy, tiny Scottish town plagued with wolf attacks and unrelenting howling in the distance. But cute dog, though, am I right?
This girl clearly didn’t have her reading glasses on when she read the invitation to the party. The invitation said “semi-formal,” and she somehow read “fully nude.” Funny how the mind sees what it wants to see. Even more embarrassing is when she decided, “No worries. I can just hide behind my friend’s arm. No one who sees this picture will assume I’m naked if I do this. Yup, looks like there will be no consequences for me. All good here.”
What, you haven’t heard of “flooring”? It’s what all the kids are calling sex these days. Like, “Oh, man, Becky and I were flooring so hard, but then her mom came home before I could plaster down those tiles. Also, something, something, slippery when wet and take your shoes off before coming inside.”
“I think you’re making all this up, but I’m so out of touch with kids these days I have no choice but to take your word for it.”
“Hey, Susan. I’m the Meow Mix cat! Meow, meow , meow , meow … uh, I forget how the song goes. Whatever, Susan, just pour me a bowl of this before I take a crap in your shoes. That’ll teach you to deny me my dreams. You’ll see. One day I’m gonna be a star. You can’t hold me back. It’s not that crazy. I hear there are already Cats on Broadway. So why not me?”
Hey, some girls just have a little more hair than others. There’s no shame in it. I mean, she’s got more hair on her back than the Neanderthals I date do. But, if she feels comfortable wearing a sleeveless shirt, you do you, girl! Why do only guys get to enjoy the lazy glory of “No Shave November?” Heck, you go on and celebrate “No Shave Autumn.” You. Do. You. Plus, think of all the cash you’ll save on razors. Money well saved.
Decker, #87, had to sit out the rest of the season because of a complete head dislocation. He is still in high spirits though and wishes the rest of his teammates victory this season. He’s expected to make an almost full recovery and should be back next season. He’ll have a hard time on the field, what with the complete lack of most of his senses resulting in the loss of his head, but what an inspirational effort.
Updated: Decker has been traded to the Cleveland Browns as their new QB.
Well, since this is a Russian deli, he would be a smoked meat head. Hmm, or maybe a Kielbasa head? It also looks like a giant’s severed thumb. Either way, Russians are very keen on their smoked meats. I would know, I’m eating an entire plate of smoked meats right now. I wish I’d gotten it from a guy with a processed beef-y head. It’s messed up he’s selling his brethren, but he knows which are the best, so we should all listen to him.
I wonder if this woman is part of the Kayan people of Mayanmar. They are a tribe where the women wear metal coils around their necks to elongate them. The longer the neck, the more beautiful the woman. She must be the hottest girl in town. Also, she doesn’t need no man to help her get the paper towels down from the top shelf in the kitchen. Giraffe ladies are super independent, don’t you know? Who runs the world? Giraffe ladies!
No, these are not conjoined twins Abby and Brittany Hensel. But, they sure do give them a run for their money. Seriously, I don’t get how those girls aren’t at each other’s throats all the time. (See? See what we did there?) If you look closely, you can see the girl on the left is actually behind the girl on the right. And you can also tell the girl on the right is in immense pain having a chin jammed into her crooked neck that way.
It is always the hottest guys who have the most disappointing packages. God, you would think he would be more embarrassed about it though. Look at him just showing it off like that. At least he has the good sense to have a dog in the picture to distract from his lack of, ahem… blessings. Just focus on the cute dog. Yes, this is a perfectly fine consolation prize for anything else you’d miss out on dating him.
I know that people who do yoga can have their heads up their own butts sometimes. You know, thinking that they’re far superior and enlightened compared to everyone else. Well, it looks like they like to have their heads up each other’s butts, too. There’s downward dog, and I guess this is some variation on that. Downward smug ostrich, maybe? Namaste has its limits, especially when your yoga partner has been to Taco Bell the night before. Definitely don’t breathe deeply in this class.
“Laurie Dan, you ain’t got no legs! Oh wait, Laurie Dan, you was just covered up by that camyflage. Laurie Dan, let’s go get some ice cream.”
“How many times do I have to tell you to stop doing that accent? And leave me alone. You know I’m sensitive about my leggings.”
“If you’re embarrassed or afraid…”
“Don’t you dare say it. I swear…”
“You could just start running.”
“I want a divorce. I’m serious this time.”
Speaking of legs, what is going on with this mess? Lady, how is that an even mildly comfortable way to sit? Was Elastagirl from The Incredibles based on this woman? Did she just come back from that super, duper advances yoga class with the downward smug ostrich pose and she is showing off to everyone outside of her class as well? Just because you can do something doesn’t mean you should. Put those rubbery gams away, please.
Shouldn’t this two-headed monster be guarding a magical stone somewhere? Oh wait, Fluffy was a three-headed monster. I guess if you only have two heads, you don’t get to guard cool magical stuff. But still, having a two-headed dog is pretty neat. I hear that number of heads is better than one. But do they share the same stomach? I don’t want to have to spend extra on more dog food. You two need to learn how to share. Puppy Chow ain’t cheap.